The Laughter Cemetery

[Deutsch Wolf]

Just been to the garage to put some air in my tyres. Five quid!

That's inflation for you.

 

[The Bear]

I went to an international yodelling convention yesterday.

The organiser asked us to form an orderly orderly orderly queue hoo hoo.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Last year, I joined a group for anti social people. We haven't met yet.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I went to a Fancy Dress party last night but half the people turned up dressed as Hank Marvin.

It kind of over-shadowed the event !

 

[BillyDee]

:tiphat: Chapeau

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Just had a Christmas card through the door, opened it
and loads of rice fell out......

its from uncle ben.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

One who runs in front of car will become tired.
One who runs behind car will become exhausted...

 

[Keef]

I've bought the girlfriend a new fridge for Christmas,
Her face lit up when she opened it.

 

[Paul]

Keef Im sorry mate but I'm stealing that

 

[Keef]

Keef Im sorry mate but I'm stealing that

Excellent go for it

 

[Keef]

the girlfriend wanted to see the monkees in Switzerland,I thought she was messing about,then I saw her face,now I'm in Geneva

 

[The Bear]

Why is it impossible to find aspirin in the jungle?

Because the Parrots eat 'em all...





I saw Michael J Fox in my local florist this morning.

Well I think it was him, I couldn't be sure as he had his back to the fuchsias.

 

[Boozad]

In Trinidad and Tobago it will cost you £2.50 for a steak pie, in Jamaica it will cost you £3.00. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

 

[Jolemai]

 

[The Bear]

Did you hear about the sickly owl who couldn't get a mate?

He was too weak to woo.

 

[The Bear]

My mate has developed a sexual obsession with crows.

He's now really into hard-caw pornography.

 

[Keef]

My mate had sex with a dirty articulated lorry.



He's now HGV positive

 

[Deleted Cyber]

two elephants fell off a cliff.... boom boom

 

[Deleted Cyber]

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.

I was very naive sexually. My first boyfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months

 

[The Bear]

Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading towards his limousine, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts ‘’Mickey Mouse’’. This startled the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later the secret service agents supervisor takes him aside and asks ‘‘what made you shout Mickey Mouse?’’

Blushing the new agent says ‘’ Sorry, I got really nervous, I meant to shout Donald Duck’’.







That one's too good for this thread IMO.