The Laughter Cemetery

[b3h]

You know there are some uncultured scrubbers on here don't you mate. Googling kind of ruins the joke ha.

 

[The Bear]

My mate set me up on a blind date, and he said "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby".

I felt a right twat sitting in the pub wearing just a nappy.

 

[Langers]

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

 

[UKYankieWWFC]

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros...
Eliphino

 

[Jolemai]

How much did it cost a Pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear...

 

[visage]

The guy who stole my diary has died.

My thoughts are with his family.

 

[The Bear]

What do you get if you cross a robot and a tractor?

A transfarmer.

 

[Langers]

My boss just announced he’s going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I’ve a hunch it could be me.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Just went to get milk for breakfast and the bloke in the co-op practically threw it at me, how dairy.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I was the first person to install trampolines in musician's tour buses and now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I know loads of jokes about cash machines, I just can't think of one atm.

 

[PPB]

What did the left arse cheek tell the right arse cheek?

If we stick together we can stop this shit.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily...!!

 

[The Bear]

You can always tell a dyslexic Yorkshireman.

He's the one wearing a cat flap.

 

[The Bear]

I f***ing hate being bipolar, it's great!

 

[The Bear]

Teacher: Can anyone use the word 'contagious' in a sentence?

Billy: My dad's been painting the house all week. It's taking the contagious!

 

[arklowolf]

Reading an interesting book on gardening at the moment. There's a whole chapter on dealing with waterlogged soil. Apparently you just dig an ounce of Bisto in to every square yard. The plot thickens...

 

[Paul]

Has anyone else noticed how a lot of Formula 1 drivers share their names with Scottish places :

Stirling Moss
Eddie Irvine
Lewis Hamilton
Ayr Town Centre

 

[Langers]

I'm pretty sure Bear has....

 

[Hereford Wolf]

My wife has asked me to stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe.