The Laughter Cemetery

[The Bear]

How do you know how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

 

[Langers]

My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!

I want to say hello but there's just too much history between us.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I went to the Doctor and told him that one day I feel like a wigwam, and the next day I feel like a marquee
He told me I was two tents

 

[Keef]

My friend always wanted to be killed by s steam train,when it happened he was chuffed to bits

 

[The Bear]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Just look for the fresh prints.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I have started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats

Prophets are going through the roof...

 

[Hereford Wolf]

I got arrested for throwing dumplings in Wagamama's.
I was charged with Wanton Destruction.

 

[The Bear]

I'm a bit confused with this Rohypnol I bought. On the packet it says, "Best Before Date", but then there's no numbers or anything.

 

[Keef]

In Detroit,the home home of Motown,it's always cold,three degrees,four tops.

 

[The Bear]

An Indian man has been arrested for punching his wife in the face.

Chinda Goodunproppa is denying all charges.

 

[lemonjelly]

I'm a bit confused with this Rohypnol I bought. On the packet it says, "Best Before Date", but then there's no numbers or anything.

An Indian man has been arrested for punching his wife in the face.

Chinda Goodunproppa is denying all chrages.

Dude, take a long look at yourself. Do you see a trend in this "humour"?

 

[The Bear]

Too rapey?

 

[b3h]

Git spelt charges wrong and I didn't notice when pasting it into Whatsapp.

 

[Keef]

Bought a book about anti gravity,it's a great read,I'm finding it impossible to put down

 

[The Bear]

My party trick is swallowing two pieces of string and an hour later they come out my arse tied together. I shit you knot.

 

[Langers]

Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice?

The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Severe weather warning!

The AA had warned that anyone travelling in icy and snowy conditions should take a shovel, blanket/sleeping bag, extra clothing, including hat scarf and gloves. Also take a 24 hour supply of food, drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch, spare battery, petrol can, first aid kit and jump leads.

I felt like a right idiot on the bus...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I was just fired from the keyboard factory this morning. I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

 

[nimrod]

advent calendar sales are apparently down again for the umpteenth year in a row.

I think their days are numbered.

 

[The Bear]

What do we want ?
An end to acronyms
When do we want it ?
ASAP!