The Laughter Cemetery
- Thread starter Langers
- Start date
FrankMunro-371
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Yes but it's very good. It is nice that Langers is bringing up his children correctly.
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Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk
lemonjelly
Housecoat, la
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The best knock knock joke surely is:
knock knock,
who's there?
Ive done a runip.....
knock knock,
who's there?
Ive done a runip.....
FrankMunro-371
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Apparently there has been an incident where someone has been shot by a starter pistol at the local athletics track. Police think it may be race related.
FrankMunro-371
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My local newspaper is running a competition where you can win a holiday for you and a friend in Dubai. I was going to enter but I don't have any friends in Dubai!
FrankMunro-371
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A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.” The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.” The bartender says again, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear goes to the end of the bar and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states yet again, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings that are on drugs.” The bear says, “I’m not on drugs.”
The bartender says, “You are now, that was a Barbitchyouate.”
The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.” The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.” The bartender says again, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear goes to the end of the bar and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states yet again, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings that are on drugs.” The bear says, “I’m not on drugs.”
The bartender says, “You are now, that was a Barbitchyouate.”
FrankMunro-371
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My wife and I are having a competition on who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local pet shop. I've just taken the lead.
FrankMunro-371
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A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.
The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.
The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.
FrankMunro-371
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A man walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement somehow swallows it whole. The barman screams at the man, "Did you see what your monkey did?"
The man says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the man. "He eats everything in sight. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it in his backside, pulls it out and eats it. The barman is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replied the man. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry in his bottom, pulled it out and ate it!" said the barman.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the man. He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."
The man says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the man. "He eats everything in sight. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it in his backside, pulls it out and eats it. The barman is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replied the man. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry in his bottom, pulled it out and ate it!" said the barman.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the man. He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."
Penk Wolf
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Frank's Jokes - The Laughter Cemetery
Not knowing how to convert centimetres into millimetres. I didn't know which thread to put it in.
Not knowing how to convert centimetres into millimetres. I didn't know which thread to put it in.
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I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way back from work, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still really regrets allowing me to name the twins...
I think she still really regrets allowing me to name the twins...
