The Laughter Cemetery

[FrankMunro-371]

Apparently, 3.14% of sailors are pi-rates.

Brilliant.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

My wife said she never understands my jokes about parcels and letters, but that's the thing with postal jokes.. you never get them until the next day.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I decided to go to the local mosque in Manchester for the first time to see what it was all about:

I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said:

"By the will of Allah and the prophet Mohammed - you will walk today."

I told him I wasn't paralysed, But I did have a small bunion on my left foot.

He came back and laid his hands on me and looking skywards, earnestly repeated his mantra:

"By the will of Allah and the prophet Mohammed - you will walk today."

Once again, I told him there really was nothing wrong with me.

After prayers I stepped outside?

And I couldn't believe it.

My car had been stolen...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy...

 

[Keef]

Archeologists have found the body of a little known Egyptian king,when they opened the casket the body was covered in chocolate and chopped nuts,they believe it's the body of pharaoh rocher

 

[Hereford Wolf]

What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.

 

[The Bear]

Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVDs, except one...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

While cooking last night I got some herbs in my left eye, I am now parsley sighted..

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I hope it is going to be a good Korea move.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I bought a new blindfold today. Can't see myself wearing it though...!!

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

This thread became a submarine......again!!

 

[Premier Quality]

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW.

 

[Premier Quality]

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.

My friends say there's a gay guy in our circle of friends... I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.

What's the difference between a dirty old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station the other one is a busty crustacean.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, or 500 the other day.

I was LIVID

 

[Johnny75]

I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, or 500 the other day.

I was LIVID

:icon_lol:

 

[b3h]

Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVDs, except one...

Class.

 

[So Long Architect]

I've got a new job in a factory that makes pieces for chess sets. It's shift work. I'm on knights next week.

 

[The Bear]

Definitely one for Frank:

My Mrs' asked me to pass her lipstick. I passed her some superglue instead. She's still not talking to me.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I have just won the gold medal at the world weather forecasting championships.

I beat the raining champion...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I am really cross with my next door neighbour. Yesterday he kept playing the same Lionel Ritchie song over and over again. I wouldn't have minded but it was all night long.