The Laughter Cemetery

[FrankMunro-371]

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange juice last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, money and effort. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

My friend has been sacked for stealing at work. He's a lollipop man.
Nobody had any idea at home, but the signs were there.

 

[Langers]

Q. What's Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?

A. HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEYE

 

[Jabbawolf]

Q. What's Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination?

A. HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEYE

Langers - that one is even too poor to make it into TLC.

 

[Langers]

Langers - that one is even too poor to make it into TLC.

Cheers Jabba! It made me laugh but that may well be due to my current status as a dribbling wreck trying to recover from a 2 week break from work.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Don't listen to Jabbawolf, that was excellent. Well it made me laugh.

 

[Langers]

I knew you'd appreciate it.

 

[The Bear]

I've just opened a shop for married couples.

I've not had a single customer all day.

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The first rule of Thesaurus Club is that you do not talk, articulate, babble, broach, chant, chat, chatter, comment on, communicate, confess, converse, describe, divulge, drawl, drone, express, flap one's tongue, gab, babble, give voice to, gossip, influence, intone, notify, palaver, parlay, patter, persuade, prate, prattle, pronounce, reveal, rhapsodize, run on, say, sing, soliloquize, speak, spill the beans, spout, squeak, squeal, talk one's leg off, tell, tell all, use, utter, ventriloquise, verbalise, voice or yak about Thesaurus Club.

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I answered the door this morning and a 6ft beetle punched me in the face and called me a fat twat.

Apparently there's a nasty bug going round.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

My wife asked me to go down to the shop to pick up 6 cans of sprite.

When I got to the checkout I realised I accidentally picked 7-up.

 

[Paddingtonwolf]

Ohmygodthatisappalling

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I thought it was one of my better efforts...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I bought shoes from a drug dealer once,
I dont know what he laced them with but i was tripping all day.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I said to a friend, "My wife keeps asking me if I'm an Alice in Wonderland character, and it's getting very annoying!"
He said, "Are you mad at her?"
I said, "Don't you start!"

 

[FrankMunro-371]

My friend can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.

He's got back issues.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

 

[Keef]

Three disabled people,one with no arms,one with no legs and one in a wheelchair go to Lourdes to pray for a miracle,the one with no arms walks down touches the statue,a new pair of arms come out the sky and attach themselves to his body,brilliant he says,and walks of waving.
The one with no legs crawls down,touches the statue,brand new pair of legs come out the sky attach themselves to his body,brilliant he says,gets up an walks off.
The one in the wheelchair goes down,touches the statue,he comes away with two brand new tyres and twelve months MOT

 

[The Bear]

www.conjunctivitis.com

A real site for sore eyes.