The Laughter Cemetery

[ProgWolf]

A friend of mine was an Insomniac, Agnostic, Dyslexic.

He used to lie awake in bed all night, wondering if there really was a Dog.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

This is the third year in a row now I've had a camouflage themed dress-up birthday party, and again nobody's turned up for it.

 

[The Bear]

Steak puns - A rare medium well done.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A shoplifter is being hunted in our area following the theft of a large quantity of chocolate.
Police have confirmed there's a large bounty on his head.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I'm quite good at ventriloquism, even though I say so myself...

 

[The Bear]

Scientists have finally cracked the language of dolphins. It took them ages but finally it just clicked.

 

[The Bear]

Gutted that one of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.

We won't have Oleg to stand on.

------------------------------------

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble squares earlier today.

Going for a shit could spell trouble.

 

[The Bear]

This joke is sponsored by my THM (this is a joke!)

The bit under the light says "under the control of a Jewish captain" and "flown together".

It's a crap joke but in this post-Brexit Britain I'm trying to fit in.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Bought my wife a vacuum cleaner for Valentine's day.
She said "out of all the Valentine's day presents you've bought me, this one sucks the most."
I'm Dyson with death.

 

[ProgWolf]

How ironic Frank. My mate had an East European Cleaner. It took her 4 hours to hoover the lounge. Turns out she was a Slovac.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

How ironic Frank. My mate had an East European Cleaner. It took her 4 hours to hoover the lounge. Turns out she was a Slovac.

Excellent sir. Please keep up this high quality of rib ticklers.

 

[Langers]

How ironic Frank. My mate had an East European Cleaner. It took her 4 hours to hoover the lounge. Turns out she was a Slovac.

:icon_lol:

I like that one!

 

[Langers]

Good news! The man who fell in an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

Ha ha boys, this thread cures depression, I just spent half an hour spitting out cypro, from laughing. It's a tonic.

 

[ProgWolf]

Two women called at my door earlier today and asked me what bread I ate. When I said I preferred white bread, they gave me a 30-minute lecture on the benefits of brown bread. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

 

[The Bear]

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me!! Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.

 

[The Bear]

I've got a can of Newcastle Brown stuck on my foot.

It's an ingrowing Toon ale.

 

[PPB]

I've got a can of Newcastle Brown stuck on my foot.

It's an ingrowing Toon ale.

:icon_lol:

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I got caught stealing full stops. I'm looking at a lengthy sentence!

 

[Langers]

Apparently, 3.14% of sailors are pi-rates.