The Laughter Cemetery
- Thread starter Langers
- Start date
FrankMunro-371
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Thank goodness, for a minute I thought our standards had been raised...
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
Knock on the door.
FrankMunro-371
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Sean Connery should be arriving at Wimbledon any time soon...around tennish...!
FrankMunro-371
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I try to cater for all tastes, and fail miserably...
FrankMunro-371
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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll be lucky and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Dinowolf
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A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex she spent the next hour just rubbing his balls because it was something she just loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
"Why do you love doing that?"
"Because", she replied, "I really miss mine"
After having great sex she spent the next hour just rubbing his balls because it was something she just loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
"Why do you love doing that?"
"Because", she replied, "I really miss mine"
pavlosmacwolf
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ouch!!!! but it made me laugh.
Dinowolf
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Trouble is you'd be letting off every 15 minutes and always chiming into other peoples conversations.
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Two flies on a piece of shit. One farts and the other says: 'do you mind, I'm eating!'
--
I found myself drowning in an ocean of orangeade yesterday.
It took me a while to realise it was just a Fanta sea.
--
Bruce Willis is probably going to keep making action movies. Why? Well you know what they say about old habits.
--
A husband takes his wife to a nightclub.
There's a guy on the dancefloor giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down".
The husband replies "Looks like he's still celebrating"
--
My girlfriend left me after she caught me touching up pasta.
Now I'm feeling cannelloni. Think I'll try hooking up with that lass Anya.
--
I found myself drowning in an ocean of orangeade yesterday.
It took me a while to realise it was just a Fanta sea.
--
Bruce Willis is probably going to keep making action movies. Why? Well you know what they say about old habits.
--
A husband takes his wife to a nightclub.
There's a guy on the dancefloor giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down".
The husband replies "Looks like he's still celebrating"
--
My girlfriend left me after she caught me touching up pasta.
Now I'm feeling cannelloni. Think I'll try hooking up with that lass Anya.
Dinowolf
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Aynuk and Ayli are standing in Aynuks back garden, Aynuks next door neighbour is running up and down his back garden pretending he's riding a motorbike, Ayli says, whats up wi im?, Aynuk says, tek no notice he's saft in the yed he thinks he's in the Isle o mon in the TT rerces. Ayli says, but he ay got a bike yo orter tell him, bugger off says Aynuk he pays me a fiver a wik to clean it.
:icon_lol:
Wolf Hunting
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Sorry about this....
The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
Her Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his lug nuts so hard that his headlights will pop - out and he will start leaking oil out of his exhaust pipe."
The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
Her Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his lug nuts so hard that his headlights will pop - out and he will start leaking oil out of his exhaust pipe."
