The Laughter Cemetery

[BillyDee]

You can't run through a campsite.
You can only ran.
Because it's past tents...

 

[Jolemai]

Awful!

 

[Paul]

You can't run through a campsite.
You can only ran.
Because it's past tents...

Thank you

 

[BillyDee]

I fucking hate Russian dolls.

They're so full of themselves...

 

[Langers]

I asked the man in my local music shop to see their littlest oboe.

He said "Maybe tomorrow".

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A child comes home from his first day at school. Mum asks, 'What did you learn today?' He replies, 'Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.'

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

 

[Parkins left foot]

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

Frank that's almost as bad as:

'What's black & dangerous in a tree - a crow with a machine gun'

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Frank that's almost as bad as:

'What's black & dangerous in a tree - a crow with a machine gun'

OK PLF, I must retaliate to that one:

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Larry was a photographer for the N.Y. Times, and was scheduled to meet a plane on the runway to take him on a job. “Hit it,” said Larry climbing into the first plane he saw on the runway. The pilot took off, and was soon in the air. “OK,” said Larry, “fly low over the trees over there, I want to take a few pictures.” “What do you mean?” asked the pilot. Larry looked at the pilot and answered a little annoyed, “I need to take some pictures for the N.Y. Times, so please…..” There was a long pause, before the pilot asked in a shaky voice, “you mean you’re not my pilot instructor?”

 

[Jolemai]

:tumbleweed:

 

[FrankMunro-371]

First thing one Monday morning, a robber went into a bank, and pointed his guns at the cashier and said,
'Give me all your money, or you'll be Geography'
The cashier laughed and said, 'Don't you mean history?'
The robber answered, 'Don't change the subject.'

 

[FrankMunro-371]

An old man came up to me at the cash machine and asked me to help him check his balance ... so I pushed him over.

 

[Langers]

What did the Geordie say to his wife who wouldn't stop reading during their trip to Romania?

"Give ya Bucharest, pet"

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy."Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that" she says "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Harry gets a job as a weatherman in the Far East; however, try as he might, he can never get a forecast right. Eventually he’s sacked and has to fly home. A friend asks why he’s back so soon. Harry replies, ‘The climate didn’t agree with me.’

 

[BillyDee]

This Roman legionnaire walks into a bar.
"What'll it be?", asks the bartender.
"A Martinus", replies the legionnaire.
Puzzled, the bartender checks, "Sorry, but do you mean a Martini?".
"Listen", says the legionnaire, "if I wanted a double, I'd have asked for one..."

 

[Langers]

:icon_lol:

I like that! Stealing it.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

We don't normally get funny jokes on this thread. Billy has done the impossible, and raised the standards...