The Laughter Cemetery

[Langers]

:icon_lol:

Now THAT'S what this thread is for!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

: The New Job


A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts.
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything...
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.
As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.
By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo..
He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"
The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees...."

Frank..?

 

[Langers]

FFS - I heard that joke when I was about 10!!

 

[Kenny]

Frank wrote it when he was 10

 

[The Bear]

I've never heard that before.

Not bad.

 

[PPB]

Id never heard that one either.

It even made me titter

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Id never heard that one either.

It even made me titter

I suspect you'll have heard of this one too, but you saying it made you titter...

There was a light hearted moment in a serious case being discussed in court, when suddenly a bloke wearing several scarves leapt up and ran up and down the rows in the courtroom squeezing all the women's breasts...

The newspaper reported the next day, that, 'when Mr Bradshaw's solicitor restated the incident, a muffled titter ran around the courtroom...'

 

[Premier Quality]

Why don't ants make porno films?

Because nobody likes an anty-climax.

Loved that one!

 

[Jolemai]

Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he Neverlands






















What? This joke belongs here because it never gets old.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

This is a little known fact but it's said that the people of Singapore don't watch The Flintstones.......but those in ABU DHABI DOOOO.........

 

[lemonjelly]

I went to a séance at a yoghurt factory last night. Terrible experience.

That'll teach me to dabble in the Yakult.

Scientists who were originally against genetic engineering have managed to cross a seagull with a sheep.

Which is a massive ewe tern.

 

[BillyDee]

What do you get if you cross a snowman with a shark?




Frostbite!

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

 

[Tyrannosaurus Dan]

What do you get if you cross a snowman with a shark?




Frostbite!

Advent calendar? That's the joke I had in mine yesterday.

 

[BillyDee]

GFs Malteaser advent calendar, yes.

Haven't had any Christmas crackers yet, but will be posting them soon...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

GFs Malteaser advent calendar, yes.

Haven't had any Christmas crackers yet, but will be posting them soon...

I look forward to reading them.

 

[So Long Architect]

I dreamt I wrote The Hobbit. When I woke up, I realised that I had just been Tolkien in my sleep.

 

[The Bear]

Booooooo.

 

[So Long Architect]

Booooooo.

Wrong thread? Too funny?

 

[The Bear]

No you got the right thread.