The Laughter Cemetery

[So Long Architect]

What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.

:icon_lol:

 

[So Long Architect]

I see scientists think they have detected dark matter. I don't see it myself.

 

[The Bear]

Bloody hell you got me all excited then until I realised I was on the joke thread!

 

[Paul]

Just had an insect fly into my kitchen and it exploded!

I think it was a JIHADDY LONG LEGS

 

[Jolemai]

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia whilst trekking across the Antarctic.

Medics say he needed a second coat.

 

[Sniffer]

Oscar Pistorius will not appeal against his sentence as his legal team have told him that he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

David Blaine is said to be gutted. His record of doing nothing in a box for 44 days has been smashed by Mario Balotelli.

 

[Jolemai]

1. Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too"—he died.

2. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

3. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

4. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

5. Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

6. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

7. Never trust atoms…they make up everything!

8. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

9. The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

10. What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


(I actually have number 3 on a T-Shirt...)

 

[The Bear]

No.5 is the best.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

*The survey was a complete failure because:*

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia, New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

 

[arklowolf]

When you're from the farm, your perception is a little bit different:

A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard, Is he here?"
"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says,
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".


The boy thought for a moment...then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that.
I know he charges £500 for the bulls and £150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."

 

[The Bear]

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

*The survey was a complete failure because:*

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia, New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Good god. Do people find this shite even the tiniest bit amusing?

 

[Jolemai]

At least it's on the correct thread.

Also:

 

[arklowolf]

1. Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too"—he died.

2. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

3. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

4. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

5. Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

6. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

7. Never trust atoms…they make up everything!

8. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

9. The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

10. What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


(I actually have number 3 on a T-Shirt...)

hmm..They all laughed at Nitrous Oxide

 

[Langers]

Good god. Do people find this shite even the tiniest bit amusing?

You clicked on 'Franks Jokes' and expected to laugh?!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

You clicked on 'Franks Jokes' and expected to laugh?!

Exactly!
Even I hesitated with this latest crap entry, but then I saw that Frank's Jokes had slipped off the scale and had to go looking for it..

 

[The Bear]

I expected something resembling a joke but just got drivel.

 

[Bit on the shaggies]

Why don't ants make porno films?

Because nobody likes an anty-climax.

 

[The Bear]