The Laughter Cemetery

[FrankMunro-371]

I got a 'Final Warning' letter from the bank today. Thank goodness for that. I didn't think they would ever stop bothering me.....

 

[Jolemai]

What is a quark?

It is the sound a posh duck makes.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!"

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Two cows in a field. One says to the other,
"What do you think about this mad cow disease?"
The other replies,
"Crikey, a talking cow!"

 

[Deleted Cyber]

two elephants fell off a cliff.... boom boom.

 

[Deleted Cyber]

Saw this on a friends facebook " I do wish people would leave Lance Armstrong alone. He won 7 tour des France while on those drugs. When I am on drugs I cant even find my bike"

 

[Deleted Cyber]

Bill and Ben the flowerpot men are in a pub. Bill says to Ben " Flib Flob Flib Flob Folberlot. Ben says " go home youre pished!

 

[Deleted Cyber]

what did the policeman say to his chest? Youre under a vest!

 

[Deleted Cyber]

butchers notice " please dont sit near the bacon slicer as we are getting behind with our orders" Beats horse I said

 

[Deleted Cyber]

simple simon met a pieman going to the fair said simple simon to the pieman what have you got there? Pies you twatt!

 

[Deleted Cyber]

I have a friend at work and he is called thrush. He has been called thrush for years and I didnt know why so I asked someone who had known him a while. He said hes called thrush cause hes an irritating twat !

 

[Deleted Cyber]

and finally .... what do you call a prostitute with a head cold? ...... Full! ( sorry I will remove myself from this thread immediately and chastise myself accordingly)

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Right thread Cyber man. All the good jokes go in here...

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many goals that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my boots!”.

 

[Doctor Doog]

Right thread Cyber man. All the good jokes go in here...

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many goals that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my boots!”.

I remember my Dad telling me that one, some time in the 1970s.

 

[Jolemai]

Woke up this morning and discovered a leak in my fish tank.

Well, it was either that or a very large spring onion.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Woke up this morning and discovered a leak in my fish tank.

Well, it was either that or a very large spring onion.

Top class Sir.

What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

 

[visage]

You may know that last Thursday was Steak and Blowjob day. I told my wife I like my steak rare and my blowjobs well done. She seems to have got them mixed up....

 

[Jolemai]

Top class Sir.

High praise indeed. I am honoured, Sir.

 

[DewsburyWolf]

Two cows in a field. One says to the other,
"What do you think about this mad cow disease?"
The other replies,
"Crikey, a talking cow!"

Surely that should be another talking cow

Bearing in mind they're both talking

 

[Jolemai]

Why does Wally wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted.