The Laughter Cemetery

[FrankMunro-371]

Sven and Ole are walking home from the tavern late at night and they head down the railroad tracks, and Sven says, "This is the longest flight of stairs I ever climbed in my life."

And Ole says, "Yeah, it's not the stairs that bother me so much, it's these low railings."

 

[Tom Hark]

Ståle's not gonna like 'em either, Frank.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Ståle's not gonna like 'em either, Frank.

Just trying to make him feel welcome.

- How do you sink a Norwegian submarine?
- Dive down and knock at the door. Then they'll open the door and ask what you want!

- How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again?
- Dive down and knock at the door. Then they'll open the door and say: "You can't fool us again!"

- How do you sink a Danish submarine?
- Dive down and knock at the door. Then they'll open a window and say: "We're not as stupid as the Norwegians!"

- How do you sink a Swedish submarine?
- Give it a Norwegian crew!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Frank, those are really shite jokes, plumbing new depths if you'll pardon the intended pun.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

This one is much better WH....

Two Norwegians got trouble with their car. The lights didn't work. They stopped, and one of them told his friend to check if the indicator worked. The friend went out and said:
- It works... It doesn't work... It works... It doesn't work... It works... It doesn't work...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

When asked about Stale Solbakken, Roger Johnson replies "I've never heard of it but i'll drink anything if its cheap"

 

[Penk Wolf]

Frank, you really need the sack.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Father Christmas' sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my sledge?'
'Sorry,' the motorist replied. 'I'm not a mechanic - I'm a chiropodist.'
'Well, can you give me a toe?'

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

Is there a doctor on the forum?

 

[FrankMunro-371]

As you mentioned Doctors................

Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps !

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar
Don't worry you'll soon change !

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a dog !
Sit !

 

[Hamlet]

When's the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30 (tooth-hurty)

Blame that one on my Chemistry teacher... I think even Frank's gonna gag at that!

 

[FrankMunro-371]

When's the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30 (tooth-hurty)

Blame that one on my Chemistry teacher... I think even Frank's gonna gag at that!

Not at all Hamlet. Quality jokes are always appreciated.

 

[Hereford Wolf]

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains."

"Pull yourself together man."

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Keep them coming. Brilliant .

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

Did you hear the one about the irishman who fell out of the window ironing the curtains?

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

Paddy (answering telephone) er hello
Murphy: hello is that dublin two two, two two?
Paddy: no this is dublin double two double two.
Murphy: oh i'm sorry i have the wrong number
Paddy: sure it's ok , the phone was ringing anyway.

 

[James]

America, the Deep South:
Where homosexuality is a 'choice', yet obesity is a genetic condition.

 

[lemonjelly]

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a dog !
Well get off my couch!

fixed...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

In 1957, several cities were vying to host the 1964 Winter Olympics. Candidates had been eliminated to the point where the only two left were Singapore and Nevers, France. The French venue had an obvious advantage for the games, but the Singaporeans were eager to host the games in their country, so they developed a snow-making machine. Because of technical glitches, the machine produced snow only part of the time. The rest of the time it produced steam, and you can't ski on steam. So they made a last-ditch effort to perfect the machine, knowing that the deadline for a decision from the committee was nigh. To bring moral support and entertainment to the workers, they brought in Elvis Presley, who mounted the stage and said, "Well, today's the day your machine must produce snow. If it belches out steam, the games will go to France. So this is it. It's snow, or Nevers."

 

[Kenny]

Bolton have been relegated from the Premier League

/thread