The Laughter Cemetery

[FrankMunro-371]

2 A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from London Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead £50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead £50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Not bad Frank. But let's lower the tone...

Police in Liverpool (choose your own city) have arrested 3 out of 4 known (Scouse) Islamic Terrorists.
Bin Snortin, Bin Thievin, and Bin Dealin.
No sign yet of Bin Workin.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Why did the cows return to the Marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Why did the cows return to the Marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back...

 

[Parkins left foot]

Why did the cows return to the Marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back...

Wasn't so funny that it needed posting twice Frank (once was possibly more than enough :icon_biggrin

 

[Wolf Hunting]

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert .
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Well, sometimes the men have urges...
That's why we have Molly The Camel.
The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'.
Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and makes shags it silly for 10 minutes.

When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are!"

 

[So Long Architect]

A small Christmas "joke"...

Why was Batman disappointed when Robin gave him socks for Christmas?

He was hoping for kapows!

 

[MARKakaJIM]

I don't get it.

 

[Langers]

I don't get it.

 

[MARKakaJIM]

I assumed it was something along those lines but couldn't be sure 'sock' was one of those phrases used to denote combat.

 

[Langers]

I assumed it was something along those lines but couldn't be sure 'sock' was one of those phrases used to denote combat.

It just wasn't a particularly funny joke TBH! I guess it's in the right thread.....

 

[So Long Architect]

Way to kill my early Christmas vibe cuntheads!

 

[Langers]

It's a bit early for the cracker jokes, surely?

 

[So Long Architect]

It's a bit early for the cracker jokes, surely?

I went to a Christmas do on Saturday, crackers and everything, so no. But a cracker though that joke was, it wasn't from one.

 

[Jolemai]

Asked a librarian for that book on Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dogs today. She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

How much much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing, it was on the house.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

It just wasn't a particularly funny joke TBH! I guess it's in the right thread.....

How dare you Sir. All jokes on this thread are of the highest quality...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

What do you call a queue of people at a barbers shop?

A Barbeque...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Due to a water shortage in Dublin, the swimming baths have closed lanes 7 and 8...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?

Because their days are numbered...