The Laughter Cemetery
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So Long Architect
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What's the most common owl in Britain?
The teat.
There's at least one in every kitchen.
The teat.
There's at least one in every kitchen.
wanderer89
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After today, Albion players have been advised not to take their dogs out for walks as they don't seem to be able to hold on to leads.
Wolf Hunting
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To Frank, Here you go Frank, enjoy!
Once again to everyone, apologies for this post.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
Once again to everyone, apologies for this post.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
Wolf Hunting
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Wolf Hunting
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Sorry about this, but it just came in and made me laugh...
It has picture of a woman with huge HUGE tits and you can see her nipples through the thin fabric....
Today I was beaten up by a woman... I was in the elevator when that busty lady (above) got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, "Would you please press 1?"
So I did.. and I don't remember much afterwards.
They tell me my injuries will heal in time.
Oh dear me! It's so fucking obvious, but it made me laugh...
It has picture of a woman with huge HUGE tits and you can see her nipples through the thin fabric....
Today I was beaten up by a woman... I was in the elevator when that busty lady (above) got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, "Would you please press 1?"
So I did.. and I don't remember much afterwards.
They tell me my injuries will heal in time.
Oh dear me! It's so fucking obvious, but it made me laugh...
FrankMunro-371
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There were three men out sailing, when it began to storm. Their boat
was wrecked by the storm, and washed up on a deserted Island. They
started to walk along the beach and found a bottle. They picked it up
and began rubbing the sand off, when all of a sudden, a genie popped
out. The Genie said "Since you have released me from the bottle, I
will grant each of you one wish."
The first man said, "I really miss my wife and grandchildren. I wish
I were back home." Poof! He was gone.
The second man said, "This is great! I wish I were in Hawaii on the
beach, with a good hot meal to eat." Poof! He was gone, too!
The third man looked around and said, "You know, it's lonely around
here, I really miss those guys."
was wrecked by the storm, and washed up on a deserted Island. They
started to walk along the beach and found a bottle. They picked it up
and began rubbing the sand off, when all of a sudden, a genie popped
out. The Genie said "Since you have released me from the bottle, I
will grant each of you one wish."
The first man said, "I really miss my wife and grandchildren. I wish
I were back home." Poof! He was gone.
The second man said, "This is great! I wish I were in Hawaii on the
beach, with a good hot meal to eat." Poof! He was gone, too!
The third man looked around and said, "You know, it's lonely around
here, I really miss those guys."
wanderer89
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Some girl asked me if she had too much make up on, I said it depended on whether she was going to kill Batman or not.
FrankMunro-371
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Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin , decided to expand the
line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see
what he could find.
After arriving in Paris , he visited with some manufacturers
and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro
and have a glass of wine.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table,
asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.
After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her,
he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed
it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another
napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew
a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
They danced until the bistro closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a
four-poster bed on it.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
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line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see
what he could find.
After arriving in Paris , he visited with some manufacturers
and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro
and have a glass of wine.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table,
asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.
After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her,
he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed
it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another
napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew
a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
They danced until the bistro closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a
four-poster bed on it.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
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keeptheexitsclear
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Jurgen Klopp has ruled himself out of the running for the vacant Manchester United Manager's job, but he has recommended his brother, Klipperty.
Wolf Hunting
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I've a feeling a variation of this has apeared in the last 6 months. If so, forgive me, but Frank, try this....
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife", said one of the troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkens exclaimed.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife", said one of the troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkens exclaimed.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
Wolf Hunting
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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen".
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen".
FrankMunro-371
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David Moyes is set to be named as UKIP's campaign manager, following the speed at which he got Manchester United out of Europe.
