The Laughter Cemetery

[FrankMunro-371]

Luke comes home from his first day of school, and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?”

“Not enough,” Luke replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.”

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I've just watched a video of lions being fed at Copenhagen Zoo.

It was very giraffic.

 

[Langers]

:icon_lol:

FRANK!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:

'Well, that's great .... that's just great .... some arsehole's got my pen!'

 

[Lord Knows]

Mick Murphy, Irish Slalom skier has just posted a time of 19 hrs 5 mins 23 sec....''nobody told me you started at the top''

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Mick Murphy, Irish Slalom skier has just posted a time of 19 hrs 5 mins 23 sec....''nobody told me you started at the top''

Well worthy of this thread.....

The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold with lots of snow and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This Winter is going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold Winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Well worthy of this thread.....

The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold with lots of snow and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This Winter is going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold Winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

Frank, It might have been worthy of this thread the 1st time it appeared, but it's the third time that's been on here!

Do try to keep up.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

That said, I'm might transgress with a couple of these...

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg."

 

[Wolf Hunting]

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well...... she's not exactly my girlfriend, yet.


Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going
fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should
change dentists?

 

[Wolf Hunting]

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening."



At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by two points:
The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer was Africa!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells.
It appears that Immigrants is not the correct answer either.


You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.


My friend has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache."

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."

 

[Jolemai]

"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss.

"Just pop it in the corner," he said.

It took me three hours.

 

[DewsburyWolf]

Mick Murphy, Irish Slalom skier has just posted a time of 19 hrs 5 mins 23 sec....''nobody told me you started at the top''

The Irish judge was asked why he kept giving every skier a 10 mark regardless of style & application

"them bloody slopes are slippy as feck, that's why"

 

[Wolf Hunting]

A Romanian arrives in London as a new immigrant to the United Kingdom ..
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Englishman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England ."
The person says, "I not English, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful country England !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not British."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an Englishwoman?"
She says, "No, I am from Poland .."
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the English people?"
The Polish lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work.."

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I'm heading to Greenwich later today. Wondering what I should do in the Mean Time?

 

[Jolemai]

Thought you'd enjoy that "joke".

 

[Jolemai]

So Simon Cowell will be waking up to a whining screaming racket every morning for the next few months. And after the radio have finished playing his latest signing, he'll have to attend to his crying baby too.

 

[jlo]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. Phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

 

[Bit on the shaggies]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. Phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

That made me laugh a lot more than I think it should have.