The Laughter Cemetery
- Thread starter Langers
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Premier Quality
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What do you call a psychic dwarf that's just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.....
A small medium at large.....
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:icon_lol: :clap:
FrankMunro-371
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A skeleton walks into a bar. He says, "Get me a beer and a mop."
t3ch
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Wolf Hunting
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Chinese Sex.
While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”
The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”
The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”
The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”
“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Faw off by itself!”
While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”
The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”
The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”
The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”
“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Faw off by itself!”
Wolf Hunting
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Ali and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London .
Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Ali 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
Ali says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3'.
Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?
Ali shows Habib his sign....
It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '.
Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Ali 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
Ali says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3'.
Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?
Ali shows Habib his sign....
It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '.
FrankMunro-371
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Today, a man knocked my front door. He said he was collecting for the local swimming pool... so I gave him two buckets of water.
Wolf Hunting
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That made me smile Frank!
That's the 2nd time too!
That's the 2nd time too!
FrankMunro-371
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Q. Two Scouse kids in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman.
A. The policeman.
Little lad went into the Chemist and asked for a box of Tampons. The Pharmacist asked the little boy if he knew what they were for . The boy replied ' well the advert says that you can ride a bike and swim with these, and at the moment I can't do neither '
The old ones are not always the best, but they make me smile
The old ones are not always the best, but they make me smile
I liked it
FrankMunro-371
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Appropriate thread to put it in anyway...
The best thread on the forum Sir. I pride myself on having you all having sore sides through non stop laughing.......
So Long Architect
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If a man speaks in the desert and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
FrankMunro-371
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The helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island and was forced to make an emergency landing. Luckily there was a small cottage nearby. The pilot walked over to it and knocked on the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he asked the woman who answered the door.
She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds. "No," she finally said, pointing down the road, "but we do have a McArdle and a McKay."
She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds. "No," she finally said, pointing down the road, "but we do have a McArdle and a McKay."
