The Laughter Cemetery
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Wolf Hunting
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I'd just finished all this work on my house and my wife told me to get rid of all the rubble and stuff.
So I rang up a company that did all that stuff. A woman answered the phone and said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'I want a skip'
She said, 'Go on then'.
So I rang up a company that did all that stuff. A woman answered the phone and said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'I want a skip'
She said, 'Go on then'.
lemonjelly
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My first proper appearance on this thread...
Why did Karl Marx drink peppermint tea?
Because he thought that proper-tea was theft.....
Why did Karl Marx drink peppermint tea?
Because he thought that proper-tea was theft.....
FrankMunro-371
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The forums favourite thread is back......
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man. You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man. You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
FrankMunro-371
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Two blondes in California were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other,
"Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"
"Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"
FrankMunro-371
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Back by popular demand
A vacationer telephones a seaside hotel to ask where it was. "Its only a stones throw from the beach," he was told. "How will I recognize it?" asked the man.
"Its the one with all the broken windows," Came the reply.
A vacationer telephones a seaside hotel to ask where it was. "Its only a stones throw from the beach," he was told. "How will I recognize it?" asked the man.
"Its the one with all the broken windows," Came the reply.
FrankMunro-371
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Sammy took his blonde blind date to a seaside carnival. 'What would you like to do first, Kim?' asked Sammy. 'I want to get weighed,' she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser, who guessed 70 kg. Kim got on the scale and it read 67 kg and she won a prize. . Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Sammy again asked Kim what she wanted to do next. 'I want to get weighed,' she said. Back to the weight guesser they went and because she'd been there before the man guessed Kim's correct weight and Sammy lost his dollar. Kim and Sammy walked around the carnival and again he asked, 'Where to next?' Kim responded: 'I want to get weighed,' but by this time Sammy figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her flatmate, Laura, asked Kim about her blind date, 'How'd it go?' she asked. Kim said, 'Oh, Waura, it was wousy.'
FrankMunro-371
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Two women just came to the door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a 30 min lecture on the benefits of brown bread! I think they were Hovis Witnesses.
Premier Quality
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Thats so bad that I laughed...
Wolf Hunting
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'Viagra' is now available in tea bags.
It doesn't enhance your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft.
It doesn't enhance your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft.
FrankMunro-371
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1. A pirate enters the men's room, steps up to a urinal, opens his fly and out pops a steering wheel. The guys at the other urinals can't help but notice.
"Whoa," one says. "You have a steering wheel instead of a penis?!"
"Aye," says the pirate. "It's drivin' me nuts!"
"Whoa," one says. "You have a steering wheel instead of a penis?!"
"Aye," says the pirate. "It's drivin' me nuts!"
wanderer89
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Apple are set to announce their new toilet invention.
It's to be called the "iPood"
It's to be called the "iPood"
FrankMunro-371
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Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine, and the scenery, when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day, they went back to the store, and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them.Once again, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde - wearing a string bikini this time- came walking toward them.Again she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "Just a minute, young lady."Yes," she replied."We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know that we are priests?""Father, she said, "it's me, Sister Helen..."
