The Laughter Cemetery

[Langers]

:icon_lol: :icon_lol:

 

[Penk Wolf]

My dad's just broke the record for the most pigeons landing on him, what a ledge.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there.

The little boy says ''It's dark in here''
The man replies ''Yes, it is''
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab
your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again!''

 

[The Bear]

If the boy comes home while they are already there, how do they not hear him come in, he's a kid. And how does he get past them in the bedroom to hide in the closet?

 

[Wolf Hunting]

If the boy comes home while they are already there, how do they not hear him come in, he's a kid. And how does he get past them in the bedroom to hide in the closet?

Tsk Bear!!
Clearly she was facing away from the cupboard with her mouth full and the vicar had his eyes shut thinking he was in heaven....

 

[SSB]

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday.
He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to piss off."

 

[FrankMunro-371]

What is Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A little boy asked Santa what he did in the off-season. Santa replied,"Well, I do have three gardens."
The little boy asked Santa why he had three.
Santa chuckled and said," So I can ho,ho,ho!"

 

[Jabbawolf]

A little boy asked Santa what he did in the off-season. Santa replied,"Well, I do have three gardens."
The little boy asked Santa why he had three.
Santa chuckled and said," So I can ho,ho,ho!"

Is it bad luck to pull Christmas Crackers before the big day?

 

[FrankMunro-371]

 

[Donegal Wolf]

I went ot the cashpoint and there was an old women there, she asked me if I would check her balance.

So I pushed her over

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

What is Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

Am I the only one who doesn't get this?

 

[DewsburyWolf]

What is Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

Am I the only one who doesn't get this?

Should be good King Wenceslas :facepalm:

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Am I the only one who doesn't get this?

Yep! Looks like it...

'Good King Wencelas last looked out, deep and crisp and even...' Something like that...

Fuck! I can't even remember a Christmas rhyme.... and I'm having a daughter in 3 months!

 

[Langers]

You'll soon catch up mate - I have to recite several every morning when I give my daughter her inhalers. She demands songs so at the moment they're festive ones. She liked my version of Happy Xmas (War is Over) this morning.

 

[Jolemai]

There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red.
He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his
wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her
and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!" Without even
looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It
must be sleeting." The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the
Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

Yep! Looks like it...

'Good King Wencelas last looked out, deep and crisp and even...' Something like that...

Fuck! I can't even remember a Christmas rhyme.... and I'm having a daughter in 3 months!

Ah ok, Im not really familiar with that rhyme hence the confusion

 

[lemonjelly]

Yep! Looks like it...

'Good King Wencelas last looked out, deep and crisp and even...' Something like that...

Fuck! I can't even remember a Christmas rhyme.... and I'm having a daughter in 3 months!

Good king wencelas looked out,
on the feast of stephen
where the snow lay roundabout
deep and crisp and even.

Didn't you pay attention as a child?

 

[darlowolf64]

Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel.
Then a poor man came in sight, carrying winter fuel

 

[FrankMunro-371]