The Laughter Cemetery

[pavlosmacwolf]

Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel.
Then a poor man came in sight, carrying winter fu ue ellllllle

Fixed it for ya

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

Yep! Looks like it...

'Good King Wencelas last looked out, deep and crisp and even...' Something like that...

Fuck! I can't even remember a Christmas rhyme.... and I'm having a daughter in 3 months!

We three kings of orient are
one in a taxi , one in a car,
one on a scooter
bibbing his hoo ooo ter
following yonder star.

I do the shepherds washing their socks by night as well if you need the words

 

[darlowolf64]

:clap: bravo Pavlo!

 

[Jabbawolf]

Not even Hark Now Hear the South Bank Sing A New King's Born Today, or Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle All The Way, Oh What Fun It Is to See Wanderers Win Away. Or Walking in a Craddock Wonderland....

 

[The Bear]

We three kings of orient are
one in a taxi , one in a car,
one on a scooter
bibbing his hoo ooo ter
following yonder star.

The last line was always "smoking a big cigar" round our way.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Good king wencelas looked out,
on the feast of stephen
where the snow lay roundabout
deep and crisp and even.

Didn't you pay attention as a child?

Of course I didn't!
That's why I left at 16...

Plus I was listening to all that shit about 55 years ago....
Give me a break!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel.
Then a poor man came in sight, carrying winter fuel

I remember that Darlo!
Didn't the last word have about 10 syllables in it?

Carrying winter fy..oooo..eee..llll... and some?

Late edit.. Thanks Pavlos, didn't see your 'fix' Perfectly correct.
And that 3 Kings thing there were loads of them all with smutty endings.

Very funny. When you're 9 years old.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

I must get this wonderful thread back on track!!

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

 

[Jolemai]

That's already a re-post Frank, scroll up

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Wasn't there one about the village idiot....

The moon shone down on the village pump
and there sat poor old Nell
Was she pumping water,
was she fucking hell...

then I can't remember the next bit but I think it ended with something about the village idiot sitting there

amusing himself
by abusing himself
and watching it drip into his hat.

Hmm, that's not very Christmassy is it?
I rather fear I've introduced a smutty note to this thread on innocent rhymes.
I do apologise.

Pavlos probably made me do it...

 

[darlowolf64]

I must get this wonderful thread back on track!!

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

Stealing that one Frank!

 

[FrankMunro-371]

That's already a re-post Frank, scroll up

Oops sorry about that. Let's try this one:

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.

As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."

The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Will you all just stop fucking about with this rednose joke?

'What did Father Christmas say when he looked out of the window?'
"It looks like reindeer."

So whilst I'm at it, and to bring this whole comedy landfill down to the correct level,

'Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley and one was assaulted'.

'What do you call cheese that isn't yours?'
'Nacho cheese...'

'Why does Santa have 3 gardens?'
'So can Ho, Ho, Ho.' (I think Frank did that classic earlier, but as he says, you can't keep the good ones down.)

'Where do penguins go to the toilet?'
'In an ig loo'

'What do snowmen wear on their heads?'
'Ice caps of course!'

'How do snowmen get around?'
'They ride an icicle'.

'Frank, what do elves learn in school?'
'The elf-abet' (It's killing me writing this shite..)

'Who gives baby sharks presents at Christmas?'
'Santa Jaws'

then we get shit like...
'When is a door not a door?'
'When it's a jar'.

That's it.
I'm not going anywhere near shark filled custard and elephants in trees with machine guns.

Very sorry about all those...

 

[Langers]

Make it fucking stop.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Very sorry Mr Langers.
They were in this morning's newspaper you see and I thought I could make a valuable contribution to Frank's thread which actually was getting a lot better.
The original joke thread is now buried in the archives.....

Won't do it again..

 

[Penk Wolf]

So, we've heard the rain one three times in about 6 posts. Just shows that no one reads anyone else's shit jokes.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Mine was just a succinct version of the other two.
But you'e right, they were awful. I couldn't believe my fingers were typing that shit.
But they are awful.
I've just bought a box of very large Christmas Crackers (with high quality 'toys' in them...

I can't wait to see the old shite jokes that's going to be in them...

 

[FrankMunro-371]

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, "Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done." He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in. "Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?" Santa snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions!" But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, "Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?" And this is where we get the tradition of placing an angel on top of the Christmas tree.
_______________

 

[Penk Wolf]

So Derek Branning has been having sex with someone he shouldnt and goes to light up a cigar.

Will the BBC never learn?

 

[Tyrannosaurus Dan]

A topical joke considering we are all going to die today...

A man on a tractor has just driven past me on my way to work shouting 'the end of the world is nigh!'...I think it was Farmer Geddon!