Hereford Wolf
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I'm a bit fearful of French bakers. I've heard they dish out a lot of pain.
The Laughter Cemetery
- Thread starter Langers
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FrankMunro-371
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Kenny kindly jogged my memory regarding this thread....
Two Referees were sitting on bar stools having a drink or two after the game. The older Referee starts to insult the younger one. He screams "I slept with your mother!"
The bar room goes quiet and everyone looks towards the two Referees,....waiting with baited breath to see how the young Assistant will react.
The older Referee screams again. "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The younger Referee says:
"Go home Dad, you're drunk".
Two Referees were sitting on bar stools having a drink or two after the game. The older Referee starts to insult the younger one. He screams "I slept with your mother!"
The bar room goes quiet and everyone looks towards the two Referees,....waiting with baited breath to see how the young Assistant will react.
The older Referee screams again. "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The younger Referee says:
"Go home Dad, you're drunk".
Jolemai
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He should ban himself for that.
lemonjelly
Housecoat, la
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He might delete himself for that!
FrankMunro-371
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King Henry VIII called in the executioner. He said, 'What do you charge to do an execution?'
The executioner said, 'A pound sir.'
The King said, 'And what if I wanted to have all my six wives done at the same time?'
The executioner said, 'Well in that case it'd be 60p a head.'
The executioner said, 'A pound sir.'
The King said, 'And what if I wanted to have all my six wives done at the same time?'
The executioner said, 'Well in that case it'd be 60p a head.'
FrankMunro-371
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One day, a very rich man announced in a party that if any person present in the party dares to swim across the swimming pool which has more than twenty crocodiles, he will be awarded with either half of the rich man's property or his beautiful daughter. After a period of silence, the rich man saw a young man splashed into the pool swimming as fast as he can, with all his efforts, saving himself from the crocodiles. And at last, he survived through the pool. Everybody started clapping. The rich man was overjoyed with the young man's bravery. He congratulated him and then asked what do you want, my property or daughter. To this, the man replied, "Sir, neither I want your property, nor your daughter, I just want the man who threw me in the water."
Newbridge Wolf
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Police are reporting an explosion at a cheese factory in a small French town
Thankfully there were no serious injuries but the whole town was covered in de Brie
Thankfully there were no serious injuries but the whole town was covered in de Brie
Newbridge Wolf
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No worries, if you like shit jokes I've got loads
What, even more than Frankie!
Newbridge Wolf
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Okay, probably not as many as Frank, but I do like a rubbish joke or two
Paul
Jeff Moxshi
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It took a short while, but I got there in the end !!
Wolf Hunting
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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'"
"I don't remember much after that!"
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'"
"I don't remember much after that!"
Wolf Hunting
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I know it's been on here before but it's a kind of golden oldie, but still very apt.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
FrankMunro-371
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A man went to the movies and saw what he thought was a horse sitting next to him.
"Are you a horse?" he enquired.
"Yes" said the horse.
"Well what are you doing here?"
"I liked the book" replied the horse.
"Are you a horse?" he enquired.
"Yes" said the horse.
"Well what are you doing here?"
"I liked the book" replied the horse.
