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The Laughter Cemetery

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days."
 
I've just found out Jimmy Saville shagged me dad. Can't believe he was on top of me pops!!!
 
This one is bad

Are you aged 15 with an itchy fanny? You need saville-on..
 
The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.
 
lemonjelly said:
The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.
Click to expand...

brilliant!
 
You have lot been copying and pasting from Sickipedia!
 
I met Rolf Harris in Asda today. I said to him that I saw him doing two little boys. He told me fuck off, that was jimmy Saville
 
Shouldn't Sickipedia jokes go into the other joke thread?
 
Last edited:
I see that Jimmy Saville's family have removed his gravestone along with all the flowers growing around it as a mark of respect to his victims. It just leaves a small hole with no bush around it. Just how Saville liked it !!
 
The police knocked on my door and said my dog's been chasing people on a bike! I said "Don't be silly, he doesn't have a bike!"
 
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
 
Sky sports have announced they'll be broadcasting the world origami championships.

Sadly, its on paper view.
 
Inspired by PPB's toilet thread:

What have captain kirk & toilet paper got in common?

Both wipe out klingons...
 
Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport and President Obama
strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London
where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six
white horses.

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands
of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse breaks wind in the most horrendous
earth-shattering way ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is
atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs
over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries
of State do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Obama. "President please accept my
regrets...I am sure you understand there are some things that even a
Queen cannot control."

Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," replied: "Your Majesty,
do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I
thought it was one of the horses."
 
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