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The Laughter Cemetery

[FONT=&quot]I asked my Scottish girlfriend to rate my listening skills.. She said you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.

[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton I'll never know![/FONT]
 
[FONT=&quot]I asked my Scottish girlfriend to rate my listening skills.. She said you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.

[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton I'll never know![/FONT]

Doubt they’ll be telling that one in 30 years time...


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- Waiter, waiter, why have you brought me a mallet and a chisel for my fish course?

- You ordered the carp entrée, sir.
 
[FONT=&quot]I asked my Scottish girlfriend to rate my listening skills.. She said you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.

[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton I'll never know![/FONT]

Similar one to saying "space ghettos" in a Scottish accent = a famous girl band
 
Hey guys. Just to let you know that I volunteered for the Russian COVID vaccination & had it in Barnet Hospital today at 08:45. So far so good, no reaktion or sekondary riski иi meиш че сеитгюд ерпестe аьио овут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован ил
 
Hey guys. Just to let you know that I volunteered for the Russian COVID vaccination & had it in Barnet Hospital today at 08:45. So far so good, no reaktion or sekondary riski иi meиш че сеитгюд ерпестe аьио овут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован ил

Putting that through the 100% reliable Google translate and I think you are Boris Johnson as you said "and I am corrupt ooze" at the end
 
Hey guys. Just to let you know that I volunteered for the Russian COVID vaccination & had it in Barnet Hospital today at 08:45. So far so good, no reaktion or sekondary riski иi meиш че сеитгюд ерпестe аьио овут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован ил

How can your jokes fail in two different languages :o
 
I'm working away next week so been looking to book some digs I phoned up the one place and the girl answered with, "Good Morning, Best Western.

I said, "Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood, but have you got any rooms?"
 
I'm working away next week so been looking to book some digs I phoned up the one place and the girl answered with, "Good Morning, Best Western.

I said, "Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood, but have you got any rooms?"

Disappointed I never had the reply when I worked on reception at a Best Western hotel.
 
How many Tories does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they prefer gas lighting
 
Just been on the suppository helpline. Can't believe how rude they were.
 
Our hyperactive dog was really annoying during lockdown, so I thought I'd train him to do something useful about the house; and, to be fair to him, since I bought him a lathe he's improved our home security no end.

Every time I shout at him he makes a bolt for the door.
 
Thieves have allegedly broken in to the laboratory of Pfizer to try and steal the COVID-19 vaccine. They apparently took a case of Viagra by mistake. Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
 
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