The Laughter Cemetery

[The Bear]

[FONT=&quot]I asked my Scottish girlfriend to rate my listening skills.. She said you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton I'll never know![/FONT]

 

[Jabbawolf]

[FONT=&quot]I asked my Scottish girlfriend to rate my listening skills.. She said you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton I'll never know![/FONT]

Doubt they’ll be telling that one in 30 years time...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Tredman]

- Waiter, waiter, why have you brought me a mallet and a chisel for my fish course?

- You ordered the carp entrée, sir.

 

[BillyDee]

Ffs...

 

[b3h]

[FONT=&quot]I asked my Scottish girlfriend to rate my listening skills.. She said you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton I'll never know![/FONT]

Similar one to saying "space ghettos" in a Scottish accent = a famous girl band

 

[lemonjelly]

Hey guys. Just to let you know that I volunteered for the Russian COVID vaccination & had it in Barnet Hospital today at 08:45. So far so good, no reaktion or sekondary riski иi meиш че сеитгюд ерпестe аьио овут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован ил

 

[Kenny]

Hey guys. Just to let you know that I volunteered for the Russian COVID vaccination & had it in Barnet Hospital today at 08:45. So far so good, no reaktion or sekondary riski иi meиш че сеитгюд ерпестe аьио овут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован ил

Putting that through the 100% reliable Google translate and I think you are Boris Johnson as you said "and I am corrupt ooze" at the end

 

[Paul]

Hey guys. Just to let you know that I volunteered for the Russian COVID vaccination & had it in Barnet Hospital today at 08:45. So far so good, no reaktion or sekondary riski иi meиш че сеитгюд ерпестe аьио овут Лопес Обрадор, и я коррумпирован ил

How can your jokes fail in two different languages

 

[Newbridge Wolf]

I'm working away next week so been looking to book some digs I phoned up the one place and the girl answered with, "Good Morning, Best Western.

I said, "Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood, but have you got any rooms?"

 

[Jolemai]

I'm working away next week so been looking to book some digs I phoned up the one place and the girl answered with, "Good Morning, Best Western.

I said, "Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood, but have you got any rooms?"

Disappointed I never had the reply when I worked on reception at a Best Western hotel.

 

[Jolemai]

How many Tories does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they prefer gas lighting

 

[The Bear]

Just been on the suppository helpline. Can't believe how rude they were.

 

[Langers]

 

[AndyWolves]

Say "do you want to come outside and see my Yaris" in an Irish accent

 

[darlowolf64]

 

[Hereford Wolf]

Our hyperactive dog was really annoying during lockdown, so I thought I'd train him to do something useful about the house; and, to be fair to him, since I bought him a lathe he's improved our home security no end.

Every time I shout at him he makes a bolt for the door.

 

[Jolemai]

Thieves have allegedly broken in to the laboratory of Pfizer to try and steal the COVID-19 vaccine. They apparently took a case of Viagra by mistake. Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

 

[Dennisons Wrong Foot]

Germany is now advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese. This is known as the Wurst Käse scenario.

 

[Dennisons Wrong Foot]

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.

 

[sycophantia]

Applied for a job at the Citroen Museum today.....had to send in 2 CV's