The Laughter Cemetery

[Jolemai]

Goofy and I came second to Scooby and the gang in a singing contest. Would have won if it wasn't for those medleying kids...

 

[Hereford Wolf]

How many Mowtown groups can you name?

Oh...two, three, four tops.

 

[Hereford Wolf]

How many Mowtown groups can you name?

Oh...two, three, four tops.

 

[Keef]

And to follow that,
It's always cold in Detroit,three degrees,four tops.

 

[The Bear]

It’s the French "flicking a ruler on the edge of a desk" finals this weekend. Held annually in the Dordogneoigneoigneoigneoigne

 

[Penk Wolf]

Just bought the new U2 Sat Nav. It’s rubbish, the streets have no names and still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

 

[Penk Wolf]

One night, I paid £20 to watch Prince. But I partied like it was £19.99.

 

[The Bear]

Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump?

T.hanks

 

[SLA]

I'm considering a career installing mirrors. It's just something I can see myself doing.

 

[The Bear]

I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday.

He had a Wigan address.

 

[The Bear]

I've just bought some state of the art garden shears. They're the latest in cutting hedge technology.

 

[Keef]

I've just spent a £1000 on hiring a limousine,then found out it doesn't come with a driver,
Can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it

 

[The Bear]

[FONT=&quot]I phoned my elderly Mum tonight to ask how she was getting on with her new stair lift.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She said ”To be honest, it’s driving me up the wall”.[/FONT]

 

[The Bear]

[FONT=&quot]I found a horror book written in braille. Something bad is going to happen... I can feel it.[/FONT]

 

[Langers]

Have you met Bruce Lee’s vegan brother?

He’s called Broco Lee.

 

[BillyDee]

I've just bought a Christmas donkey from the supermarket. I've called it Lidl donkey...

 

[The Bear]

I asked my Welsh mate down the pub how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting, then fell asleep.

 

[The Bear]

Whilst cooking tonight I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes. I’m now Parsley sighted.

 

[The Bear]

I've just been watching the news with the wife and she says "What do you think will happen in Syria?"

I said "I reckon it's between Juventus and Napoli for the title.

 

[BillyDee]

You have to feel for Theresa May. What with the issues with Gibraltar, and the Irish backstop, she's caught between the Rock and a Harp place...