The Laughter Cemetery

[PPB]

Thanks for posting it in the right thread PPB

I'm saving me best ones !!

 

[YoungWolf]

I can't wait..........

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A bit naughty, but this one is worthy of entry in the hall of fame...
============================================

Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.

Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1, 000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1, 000 gold coins.

With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer..

 

[PPB]

Frankie baby, I prefered mine .

 

[Wolf Hunting]

If anybody knows any of the London rioters can you inform them that their 12 month manufacturers warranty is up next week.

I see that this thread has now taken over as the only only joke thread as well as the 'superior' joke thread....

 

[James]

I see that this thread has now taken over as the only only joke thread as well as the 'superior' joke thread....

Cheers Wolf hunting me and frank have out a lot of hard work in making this thread awesome. We cannot have people taking over mine and Franks thread of awesomeness.

 

[James]

The Armstrong family have announced it was Neil's wish to have his ashes scattered at the place where he made history.

"I don't even think we still have that set," a spokesman from MGM studios said.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Frankie baby, I prefered mine .

So did I Susie, I must try harder!!!!!!

 

[FrankMunro-371]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:

HELP WANTED
Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign also says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect spreadsheet that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time, the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went over to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at that manager calmly and said, "Meow."

 

[James]

Ahem time to get on to franks level.

I had to sack a gay employee today. He became a right pain in the arse.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell bloock breaks out laughing.

The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."

So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number six!" There was dead silence in the cell block. He asks the older prisoner, "What's wrong? Why didn't I get any laughs?"

"Well," said the older man, "sometimes it's not the joke, but how you tell it."

 

[Penk Wolf]

There is a touch of irony in that there joke, Frank.

 

[James]

A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell bloock breaks out laughing.

The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."

So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number six!" There was dead silence in the cell block. He asks the older prisoner, "What's wrong? Why didn't I get any laughs?"

"Well," said the older man, "sometimes it's not the joke, but how you tell it."

So when are you on tour Frank?

 

[FrankMunro-371]

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

 

[Premier Quality]

My wife told me this awful joke, and I thought of this thread...

Two snowmen standing in a field - one says to the other "Hey, can you smell carrots...."

 

[Jolemai]

Frank, just remember that you should never tell jokes about German Sausages, for they are the wurst.

 

[FrankMunro-371]

The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold with lots of snow and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This Winter is going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold Winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Paddy's been arrested for punching his wife, again.

The judge asks, "Tell me, Mr. Molloy, why do you keep beating her?"

Paddy replies, "I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork.

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

Paddy's been arrested for punching his wife, again.

The judge asks, "Tell me, Mr. Molloy, why do you keep beating her?"

Paddy replies, "I think it's my weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork.

Frank that was a good one!!! Wrong thread!