The Laughter Cemetery

[Derby Wolf]

I asked my German mate if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

 

[The Bear]

My missus said "Why do we need walkie talkies? Our relationship is over."

I said "Our relationship is what? Over."

 

[BillyDee]

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forwards...

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

Can't think of anywhere else tonput it, but this is real.
Fires as you know, no water or power at the house.
The fire planes and choppers , who actually saved my house, are using my roof as a flight path and flying about 20 metres over the top and then returning lower on their way back.
So, no water no crapper.
You cannot have a crapper with fire raging all around too far from the house, so I dug one at the side, with a nice pile of soil for drills and a bit of wall to hang on to for balance
Well, two days ago, 11am, and needs must. I had just squatted and a formation, I kid you not, 11 fire planes return for the sea in from to my house.
I am just getting started on the new crapper, and no chance to run, , ha ha I can see the pilots faces, have big posters on the fromtnof mynhouse thanking them, and at least half of the fuckers waggled their wings.
I was laughing so much I just waved the extended khazi roll and sat where I was.
Maybe not funny to you, but I hadn't seen a fire plane or chopper all morning and no sooner had I squatted here they were, am still laughing, well, what else can you do!

 

[Dennisons Wrong Foot]

"Daddy, daddy, are we pyromaniacs?"

"Yes we arson."

 

[Jolemai]

I got the words "Jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" confused.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia

 

[Paul]

 

[Jolemai]

You thought that was funny back in August too

 

[Paul]

You thought that was funny back in August too

It was better the way I told it

 

[David Webb]

My wife says she is gonna leave me because of my obsession with TV presenters

Will she tho?



Find out after the break

 

[BillyDee]

I've just spent £100 on a belt, and it doesn't fit.
Huge waist...

 

[Tredman]

Visual, but definitely belongs here

 

[BillyDee]

Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn?
Remains to be seen...

 

[sycophantia]

Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn?
Remains to be seen...

Ho, ho, ho

 

[Keef]

The Viking Rudolph the red and his wife are looking out the window at the approaching weather,
Looks like mist says his wife,
No it's rain says Rudolph,
It's definitely mist she says,
Nope rain,
Seconds later the windows are battered by a downpour
Oh you were right says his wife
Told you it was, Rudolph the red knows rain dear.

 

[BillyDee]

I was at a funeral last week. The widow of the deceased asked if I would mind saying a word. So I got up, cleared my throat, and said "bargain". She said, "thanks, that means a great deal"...

 

[Derby Wolf]

What is a drone Bee's favourite cereal?

Honey, Nut, Cheerio(s)

 

[sycophantia]

Some friends of mine are having a combined Burns night, Chinese New year party, calling it a Chinese Burns night. Wasn't going to go but they've twisted my arm.

 

[lemonjelly]

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.

 

[BillyDee]

I gave my friend Dave an apple.
He said he preferred pears.
So I gave him another apple...