The All New Alan Partridge Thread

[Deutsch Wolf]

I thought you were sexy, not now I don't, you're a bloke! It's the hands that give you away, big flapping man hands. You could be a goalkeeper.

 

[Langers]

Nice can of SPRUNT, there.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

That's my sound, Glen, get your own sound!

 

[Langers]

Knowing me, Alan Partridge, SACKING you, Glen Ponder.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Look, you've got me torn now between that and the 'Partridge Over Britain' episode of KMKYWAP as to which is the best.

"French people sit outside cafés, chomping on onions saying 'on-he-hon-he-hon'. That is a fact"

 

[Haggstone]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has a habit of dropping partridge one liners into conversation.

Ruddy hell, it's soft cell.

 

[Templeton Peck]

Knowing me, Alan Partridge, SACKING you, Glen Ponder.

I love that whole speech.

"Here's a good joke for you. There was this man called Glen Ponder. He was playing jazz synthesizer in a Norwich based wine bar. In walks Alan Partridge. Alan gives him his big break on national television. Glen's pleased. Glen gets lippy. Glen gets the sack! You're sacked. You are sacked. You're the subject of a sacking. In fact it's happened.... I want you off these premises in 10 minutes. Knowing Me, Alan Partridge, Sacking You, Glen Ponder. A-ha!"

 

[Templeton Peck]

Did you hear about the Jewish hotel keeper?

He kept a fork in the sugar bowl, for goodness sake!

 

[Templeton Peck]

"Glen, I'm in a bit of bother this week, I've got a confession to make. I actually stabbed a senior academic to death in my kitchen!"

"Really, who was that?"

"Professor Plum... I was playing Cluedo!"

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

"What happened to your moustache? You had a moustache."
"I shaved it off, it didn't suit me."
"It made you look like a Lebanese pimp."
"As I say, it didn't suit me."
"It did."

 

[Langers]

Just came out with a BRILLIANT Partridge-ism.

My wife was given some chocolate for easter. One egg was for me, but she's eaten it. I then went to get a drink and she asked for a cup of tea. My response?

"I don't think you should have one love, considering what's happened."

I nearly SOILED myself.

 

[Langers]

Immigration - it's a political hot potato. Charlotte Fraser - catch.

 

[Templeton Peck]

I don't know why I brought this picture...sort of man and machine. I often come down in the morning and think ooh I'd like to kiss her!

 

[Paul]

Time to bump this again !!!

Lynne, get back from the theatre of conflict, go and stand over there by the Yakults

 

[Templeton Peck]

I love brave people. Donald Campbell, Evil Knievel....Braveheart.

 

[Sniffer]

Useless piece of information for the day but Steve Coogan's older brother was lead singer of the Mock Turtles. (BBC 4 - Movin on up - Music of 1991)

 

[Paul]

I cant recite the whole piece, but if you youtube 'Alan Partridge Monkey' its comedy gold

" You threw a monkey into the sea ????"

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Ah, I just got the old red mist man, and ya nor, hoyed it in the sea.

Stop saying you threw a monkey in the sea!

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

Ah, I just got the old red mist man, and ya nor, hoyed it in the sea.

Stop saying you threw a monkey in the sea!

Ha ha is that yer man Michael who works in the Hotel?

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Ha ha is that yer man Michael who works in the Hotel?

The very same.

"Ah, it didn't go straight in like, it bounced off a rock first"