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The Music Thread Strikes Back

More seriously, this made me laugh. It's an email from Jimbob's (of carter USM fame) to never mind the buzzcocks:

NEVER MIND NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS
2 weeks ago I received my annual invitation from the producers of Never Mind the Buzzcocks to appear in the ID Parade section of the show.

This was my manager's reply:

Hello ***,

I hope you are well this sunny Friday.

Thank you for your email but I will cut to the chase like a man with a crazy axe. The answer is very much a ‘no’. And not any old ‘no’. A ‘no’ that is a little weary and sad. Perhaps this ‘no’ is even a tad disappointed.

You are probably wondering why Mr No. isn’t full of the joys of this late Summers day? It may be to do with the fact that this is the seventh (I am guessing this number, but it seems as good as any and I like the number seven) time Jim has been asked. That may explain the lethargy of his refusal? Who can tell? Numbers aren’t the easiest people to work out at times.

Anyway, I have always enjoyed ‘Never Mind The Buzzcocks’ (especially the Simon Amstell period – did you see his sitcom ‘Grandma’s House’? An underrated gem!). As a viewer though, and you as an exec producer I think we can both agree that the section of the show isn’t always that kind to the person on parade. At times it’s almost like laughing at a disabled person who has fallen out of a wheelchair. But don’t feel bad – it isn’t as bad or exploitative as The X Factor as you do things like pay expenses. Money can often change everything! You have to pay your own expenses to look like a banana on Simon Cowell’s cavalcade of cruelness.

In my humble opinion I think Jim is too good for this part of your show. That sounds arrogant but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. At times I don’t think the British are arrogant enough. We should say what we mean more perhaps? It hasn’t done the Americans any harm, but I digress. You may not know this (why would you? You aren’t God. You can’t know everything!) but Carter still play sell out gigs at venues like the Brixton Academy. 5,000 people pay £25 British pounds to see them, at just that one show. In Scotland we only charge £20 as they aren’t so flash with the cash up there. An amazing fact – they even headlined the Beautiful Days festival recently to 20,000 odd people. Don’t get me wrong it was full of old crusty dudes but they paid over a hundred quid to get in. So not to be sniffed at eh?

Jim also has a successful solo career and is about to release his eighth album (I probably have that figure wrong too and Jim will sack me. Numbers schmumbers). He may not sell as many compact discs as U2 but he does what I would class as ‘ok’. And unlike Bono he isn’t going bald. Nor does he always wear sunglasses. If he goes on the identity parade he may as well say on the show “This is the only bit of publicity I can get to push my new album that nobody cares about. Please mention my new album, it will make the hilarious jokes about my old haircut all be worthwhile.” But of course he couldn’t say that because I don’t think you allow the Identity Paraders to speak. Good job too ***. Most pop stars just talk rubbish! As it is though Jim already has a fair bit of publicity planned so I don’t think we need to do this. I won’t lie, it could be better. The One Show won’t book him and that gets six million viewers. They are fuckers quite frankly. Six Music are a lot more amenable you’ll be pleased to know.

The last thing to mention that Jim also is now an author and is onto his third novel, and his latest with a major publisher. This isn’t ‘Barry’s Books’ giving Jim 20p to write some load of old tosh. This is one of the big publishing guns giving him shit loads of money (he won’t tell me how much exactly to avoid paying me properly) to write his new tome. You wouldn’t find J K Rowling up on Parade. And now Jim is a published author I have a motto “Only do what the Harry Potter lady would do”. I think this will hold him in good stead.

That is it from me you’ll be pleased to know. Sorry for such a long response but before you emailed I was having to do something with numbers and budgets and it was hurting my noggin. I think I am doing that deflection thing my psychiatrist often talks about.

Anyway, have a great weekend ***. I hope it brings you happiness and general warm vibes.

Marc x
Jim’s Manager.
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Anybody heard much of London Grammar?

Their single Strong is beautiful and so is their record. Think they'll go far - brilliant chill out music.
 
The Wall was the best gig I have ever been to. Spectacular. And the sound quality was superb which I didn't expect at Wembley. Just a phenomenal show.
 
Spent the weekend giving Nine Inch Nails newie Hesitation Marks.
Interesting album. Some of the tracks (Copy of A & A New Low in particular) sound very interesting.
The album is completely Reznor.
One or 2 bits I'm still not sure of, but it isn't an album that I dislike or can't take to.
 
Listened to Eric Clapton's album Me and Mr Johnson on the way into work today - a collection of Robert Johnson covers. Absolutely superb - you can't bit some proper blues music on a Friday morning.
 
Shame about some of Claptons comments in the past though.

Given the Roger Waters fans on here, have you seen his Hardtalk interview on the bbc news channel?
Definitely worth keeping an eye out for!
 
Langers said:
Listened to Eric Clapton's album Me and Mr Johnson on the way into work today - a collection of Robert Johnson covers. Absolutely superb - you can't bit some proper blues music on a Friday morning.
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I've got his greatest hits album, never got into it as it as much as I should have as it doesn't sit well driving in traffic, will have to upload it and have another listen as I liked the songs but only listened to it a few times, I do like a bit of the old blues, he used to know the devil don't you know...
 
Went to watch The 1975 in Oxford Academy last night. Decent band - I didn't know much of their stuff and only went because my gf is a fan. I've downloaded the album this morning though - worth a listen.

Ben Kenney in Birmingham tonight. For those of you who don't know him, he is the bass player of Incubus (my favourite band) and ex-Roots. His solo stuff is superb and this is his first tour of the UK by himself.

Single here -

 
Stan Hullis said:

Anybody heard much of London Grammar?

Their single Strong is beautiful and so is their record. Think they'll go far - brilliant chill out music.
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Watching them at Oxford Gathering next month.
 
New Arcade Fire tracks!!

The main one (the title of the video) is awesome. Wasn't instantly grabbed by their other new one with Bowie but this is fab.

 
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Chvrches play the institute in brum next march.
I wanna go. Still waiting for the darned album to arrive to entice others with.
Dug out swagger by Gun to keep me going this weekend.
 
Langers said:
New Arcade Fire tracks!!

The main one (the title of the video) is awesome. Wasn't instantly grabbed by their other new one with Bowie but this is fab.

Click to expand...

I'm not overly impressed, to be honest. It's indulgent and too long.

Hopefully it is a grower!
 
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