Looking for advice on how people cope with being alone in social situations.
Despite having in more confidence in my self-worth lately, I still find myself mostly paralyzed by the thought of going out to things as just “me” (IE, not having another person around who I can anchor myself to). As you may imagine, this has made making new friends and forming relationships pretty fucking hard.
Anyone got some tips that go beyond “just believe in yourself”?
I’m finally trying to put in the effort to be a whole person, but I can’t very well do that if I’m too scared to leave my apartment.
Just a few thoughts reflecting on the experience of relocating and effectively building a new social and recreational life from scratch, which hopefully might make some sort of sense and be of use.
Firstly, don’t have too high expectations to begin with. You can’t suddenly join existing groups and expect to be everybody’s new best friend. Friendships are built over time so you have to ease yourself in gently. It’s perfectly normal to feel a bit awkward at the beginning and nothing to be afraid of - confident people may make it look easy, but you’d be surprised how many of them are in reality just very good at masking.
Sycophanthia’s example around the motorcycle group is really excellent advice. Having a genuine interest in something means the subject is the main focus, you have a strong starting point and the idiosyncrasies of the individual are much less important and more easily accepted. Naturally you gravitate to certain individuals you connect with and slowly you move forward.
In my experience after 18 months, that has simply led to just ‘knowing people’ - some you just ride with, some you go to the pub with, some that you’d help out and some who would help you, but of course some you’d want to just keep away from - don’t be concerned about that last group and turn it on yourself, it say a lot more about them than it does you.
One last thing, it has undoubtedly be easier being older. Life experiences knock edges off people and the desire to ‘present’ as doing well lessens. Everyone themselves or within their families has at at some stage had anxieties, relationship breakdowns, financial strains, sleepless nights, redundancies, children that have disappointed, health issues etc etc and it’s quite a leveller when you’re the other side and accepting of that.
So I suppose that’s saying recognise it isn’t easy, try and not set yourself up to fail and don’t think any issues or challenges are always your fault. One step at a time Al and you’ll be ok
