The Laughter Cemetery

[Sniffer]

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there.

The little boy says ''It's dark in here''
The man replies ''Yes, it is''
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab
your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again!''

Woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here'.

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let
alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '£250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is'

Boy - 'I have football boots.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time
?'

Boy - '£750'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer'.

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'

The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'

The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a £1,000 ..'

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sins.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here'..

The priest says, 'Don't start that $#@! again you little sod, you're in my cupboard now' !!

It was better with the football and boots WH!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

It was better with the football and boots WH!

Aw shite Sniffer! It did ring a bell, but I don't bother my arse going back to check, but I must admit, I did wonder...

A little senior moment there!
And thanks for pointing it out so nicely!

(Bastard!)

 

[pavlosmacwolf]

Aw shite Sniffer! It did ring a bell, but I don't bother my arse going back to check, but I must admit, I did wonder...

A little senior moment there!
And thanks for pointing it out so nicely!

(Bastard!)

I know it's a pisser getting old wolfie, but if you have your address tattooed on your forearm, you'll be fine.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

I know it's a pisser getting old wolfie, but if you have your address tattooed on your forearm, you'll be fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Another bastard!

 

[Nando]

Some bloke just hit me over the head with a power tool.

I was minding my own business then 'Bosch'.

 

[Dinowolf]

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

 

[Dinowolf]

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

 

[Dinowolf]

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

 

[Dinowolf]

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

 

[Dinowolf]

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

BOB & THE BLONDE

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "Yes I do. Tell you what, I'll bet you £20 he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her £20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money

 

[Jolemai]

So now Findus have withdrawn their products because of Horse meat contamination...

Shame..I really liked their Spaghetti Bologneighs.

 

[jlo]

In a shocking turn of events today, Aston Villa have admitted to driving Liberal Democrat MP Chris Huhne's car and claimed the three points

 

[FrankMunro-371]

My doctor has warned me to watch what I eat, so I bought a ticket for the grand national...

 

[wombourne wolves]

A blonde from Walsall goes into a Wetherspoons and asks how much are the cocktails?
The barman says, "£4 for a glass and £10 for a pitcher"
She replied, "I'll have a glass, fuck the photo"!

 

[FrankMunro-371]

Two TV Aerials got married, the reception was great

 

[DewsburyWolf]

The FSA have issued a statement saying that eating Findus Beef Lasagne will NOT enhance your manhood

 

[Wolf Hunting]

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i"
Rather than "I've just buggered a 15 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.

 

[Wolf Hunting]

Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!

 

[Wolf Hunting]

I selected this one especially for Frank...

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"

The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".