The All New Alan Partridge Thread

[MARKakaJIM]

"Graveyards are so depressing. They remind of..... death."

Did you manage to walk past the Macaque's yesterday without bursting into 'When i was in the army i had this pet monkey....' ?

When i was in 6th form we did this stupid teambuilding bullshit exercise, it involved spending 2 days at Dudley Zoo, god i miss 6th form, me and my mate spent most of that time sitting watching them quoting that part of Partridge over and over. Endless fun.

 

[Templeton Peck]

Golly! An alien judge!

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Michael, that was just a noise. All I got there was "broken homes". And a broken home is no excuse for vandalism. Look at you, did you go round drawing peephole bras?

 

[Langers]

He means his cock.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

"Alan, what are you going to do if Tony Hayers sees 'Cook Pass Babtridge' sprayed on your car?"

"Don't worry Lynn, I'll play it down."

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

"Graffiti? In the hotel?"

"God no. There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Though I did notice a few nights back that someone had drawn a lady's part in the gents' toilets. It was quite detailed. I mean the guy obviously had talent."

 

[Templeton Peck]

'She wears no make up!'

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Well, he might make that noise. It'd be a bit weird.

 

[Langers]

Cholesterol, Sonia, is what Scottish people eat.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Don't draw a cock.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Mine are the same, just marginally more flaccid. Other than that, I've got a ring of hair around each nipple, then a thin line that builds to the usual place.....bye.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Te....tell you what, tell you what, it's nine and a half thousand pounds.

 

[Langers]

Yeah, they're ruined.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

God, I've missed you.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

"Yes, I live in Acton, in West London."

"Is that nice?"

"Yes, quite nice. Few too many blacks"

 

[Paul]

I do like that toilet. It's very futuristic, isn't it? Very, sort of, high-tech, space age. I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that. In the twenty-first century. Mind if I... have a go?

It flushed on the first yank! I love this house.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

I've just been told that Roger Moore is at Chiswick roundabout.....what's he doing there? He shouldn't be there.

 

[Boozad]

"Everybody is naked underneath their clothing."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Of course you are!"

"No I'm not, I've got my underwear on."

"OK, but under your underwear you're naked."

"...No I'm not."

 

[machin05]

I quite often ask for a crescent of crisps....

 

[Templeton Peck]

Jews are good