Elephant Pyjamas
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- Jul 12, 2011
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The top 50 achievements of Boris Johnson, Prime Minister.
Yes: the actual Prime Minister.
Of us.
1.Invented lie about EU law on straight bananas
2.Invented lie about EU banning prawn cocktails
3.Invented lie about EU introducing mandatory smaller coffins
4.Invented lie about EU demanding plastic wrapping around kippers
5.Lied that 80 million people from Turkey would come to UK if we didn't leave EU
6.Sacked from The Times for inventing a quote then lying about having invented it
7.Found guilty of misrepresenting facts by IPSO
8.Sacked from Tory front-bench for lying about an affair
9.Accused of misuse of public funds, because it appears he gave £126,000, for no valid reason, to a pole-dancer he boasted he was having an affair with
10.Recorded discussing a plot to break a journalist's ribs and give him "a couple of black eyes" in a conversation with his friend Darius Guppy, a convicted fraudster
11.Referred to Commonwealth citizens as "picaninnies", racist term for black children
12.Described black people as having "watermelon smiles"
13.Forced by Telegraph to apologise for describing the people of Papua New Guinea as "cannibals"
14.Suggested reinstating British control over former colonies - essentially restarting The Empire
15.Campaigned to have a deal before we leave the EU, and to stay in the Single Market
16.… then sacked 21 of his own MPs, including the longest-serving MP and Winston Churchill's grandson, for voting to get a deal before we leave the EU and to stay in the Single Market
17.Wrote insulting poem about the people of Turkey, then "apologised" to the President of Turkey by complimenting his washing machine
18.Questioned the repeal of the ban on producing information about homosexuality
19.Wrote an article scoring female delegates to the Labour Party conference on his "tottyometer"
20.Said "Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts"
21.Described gay men as "bum-boys"
22.Said "Islamophobia — fear of Islam — seems a natural reaction"
23.Said the UK must accept that "Islam is the problem"
24.Referred to Muslim women as looking like "bank robbers" and "post-boxes"
25.Blamed Hillsborough on Liverpool fans, then described the victims as "whingeing scousers"
26.Found to have broken the Ministerial Code by failing to declare income
27.Said Libya could be the new Dubai if "they clear the dead bodies away"
28.Recited racist colonial-era poem in Buddhist temple, and had to be stopped and castigated by the British Ambassador
29.At the World Islamic Economic Forum, said that Malaysian women only attended university in order to find husbands
30.Got a British Citizen, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, jailed in Iran because he mistakenly called her a spy
31.Bought water cannon that are illegal to use in the UK at a cost of £333,000. They were sold for scrap, unused
32.Doubled rough-sleeping when he was Mayor of London
33.Spent £46m on a garden bridge that had absolutely zero construction done.
34.As Mayor of London, spent £500,000 on a cable-car - the most expensive ever built - that has an average of 4 daily users
35.Claimed he had introduced Oyster cards. They were introduced 5 years before he became Mayor
36.As Mayor, claimed he had made serious youth crime fall, when Met figures showed the opposite
37.Promised £350m a week for NHS (at time of writing, owes NHS £57.7 billion)
38.Had police called to his house during his actual job interview as PM
39.Refused to take part in any debates when campaigning to become PM
40.Said "fuck business" when presented with concerns about Brexit
41.Refuses to admit how many children he has
42.Broke the law by illegally proroguing parliament to shut down debate
43.Broke the record for the most parliamentary defeats in a day, then next day, broke it again
44.Has been accused of 2 acts of sexual harassment. Entirely coincidentally, he has said investigations into accusations of sexual harassment were "spaffing money up the wall"
45.Called himself The Hulk because he wanted to appear tough, then refused to take part in a press conference because he might be jeered at
46.Lied, on camera, about there being no press present when confronted by a distraught father in a hospital
47.Said, on camera, that claims of death threats against female PMs were "humbug"
48.Days later, said, on camera, that he had never said "humbug"
49.His own brother resigned rather than work with him
50.His own sister says he is "highly reprehensible"
If you care, here's a fully referenced list.
https://heterocephalusgabler.wordpress.com/2019/10/01/the-exploits-of-boris-johnson/
Yes: the actual Prime Minister.
Of us.
1.Invented lie about EU law on straight bananas
2.Invented lie about EU banning prawn cocktails
3.Invented lie about EU introducing mandatory smaller coffins
4.Invented lie about EU demanding plastic wrapping around kippers
5.Lied that 80 million people from Turkey would come to UK if we didn't leave EU
6.Sacked from The Times for inventing a quote then lying about having invented it
7.Found guilty of misrepresenting facts by IPSO
8.Sacked from Tory front-bench for lying about an affair
9.Accused of misuse of public funds, because it appears he gave £126,000, for no valid reason, to a pole-dancer he boasted he was having an affair with
10.Recorded discussing a plot to break a journalist's ribs and give him "a couple of black eyes" in a conversation with his friend Darius Guppy, a convicted fraudster
11.Referred to Commonwealth citizens as "picaninnies", racist term for black children
12.Described black people as having "watermelon smiles"
13.Forced by Telegraph to apologise for describing the people of Papua New Guinea as "cannibals"
14.Suggested reinstating British control over former colonies - essentially restarting The Empire
15.Campaigned to have a deal before we leave the EU, and to stay in the Single Market
16.… then sacked 21 of his own MPs, including the longest-serving MP and Winston Churchill's grandson, for voting to get a deal before we leave the EU and to stay in the Single Market
17.Wrote insulting poem about the people of Turkey, then "apologised" to the President of Turkey by complimenting his washing machine
18.Questioned the repeal of the ban on producing information about homosexuality
19.Wrote an article scoring female delegates to the Labour Party conference on his "tottyometer"
20.Said "Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts"
21.Described gay men as "bum-boys"
22.Said "Islamophobia — fear of Islam — seems a natural reaction"
23.Said the UK must accept that "Islam is the problem"
24.Referred to Muslim women as looking like "bank robbers" and "post-boxes"
25.Blamed Hillsborough on Liverpool fans, then described the victims as "whingeing scousers"
26.Found to have broken the Ministerial Code by failing to declare income
27.Said Libya could be the new Dubai if "they clear the dead bodies away"
28.Recited racist colonial-era poem in Buddhist temple, and had to be stopped and castigated by the British Ambassador
29.At the World Islamic Economic Forum, said that Malaysian women only attended university in order to find husbands
30.Got a British Citizen, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, jailed in Iran because he mistakenly called her a spy
31.Bought water cannon that are illegal to use in the UK at a cost of £333,000. They were sold for scrap, unused
32.Doubled rough-sleeping when he was Mayor of London
33.Spent £46m on a garden bridge that had absolutely zero construction done.
34.As Mayor of London, spent £500,000 on a cable-car - the most expensive ever built - that has an average of 4 daily users
35.Claimed he had introduced Oyster cards. They were introduced 5 years before he became Mayor
36.As Mayor, claimed he had made serious youth crime fall, when Met figures showed the opposite
37.Promised £350m a week for NHS (at time of writing, owes NHS £57.7 billion)
38.Had police called to his house during his actual job interview as PM
39.Refused to take part in any debates when campaigning to become PM
40.Said "fuck business" when presented with concerns about Brexit
41.Refuses to admit how many children he has
42.Broke the law by illegally proroguing parliament to shut down debate
43.Broke the record for the most parliamentary defeats in a day, then next day, broke it again
44.Has been accused of 2 acts of sexual harassment. Entirely coincidentally, he has said investigations into accusations of sexual harassment were "spaffing money up the wall"
45.Called himself The Hulk because he wanted to appear tough, then refused to take part in a press conference because he might be jeered at
46.Lied, on camera, about there being no press present when confronted by a distraught father in a hospital
47.Said, on camera, that claims of death threats against female PMs were "humbug"
48.Days later, said, on camera, that he had never said "humbug"
49.His own brother resigned rather than work with him
50.His own sister says he is "highly reprehensible"
If you care, here's a fully referenced list.
https://heterocephalusgabler.wordpress.com/2019/10/01/the-exploits-of-boris-johnson/
