The Mental Health thread

[Penk Wolf]

Anxiety plays the major part for my wife now. Pretty much anything can send her into a panic, which then can lead to a few depressive days in bed. Nothing planned for tea tonight - PANIC! Can't find the top to go with these jeans - PANIC! It really can be minor stuff like that which gets blown up in mind and leads to bigger problems. No doubt it's hard for her, but it's also very hard to be around. (shall we have a no fnarr's rule for this thread - there's going to be a lot of hard things!)

The biggest one for me is her going to the doctors/hospital. She's had all sorts of different tests because the smallest of things makes her think she has got something huge wrong with her and then I few days later she'll say something about me not caring, when the truth is I know that she's not got anything wrong with her. My biggest concern is that one day she may have something serious wrong and I will have brushed it under the carpet until we find out the full extent.

Holiday's are another difficult one as she gets very anxious about travelling, so at a time that should be exciting for the family is a nightmare from three days prior up until we get to the destination.

 

[SLA]

The best description of depression that I've heard, or at least the one that fits my wife best, is "anger turned inwards".

My wife has such a deep level of self-loathing and anger towards herself, and it's a vicious circle. I hate myself > feeling shit > feel shit > can't work/clean house/be a good mum/be the person I'd like to be >> hate self even more >>>> even more depressed >>>>> and on and on.

To the inevitable conclusion that life's not worth living/I'm a burden/people's lives would be better without me in them.

My wife's had three attempts on her life to date, the last not long after our second daughter was born. And there have been stops in the mental hospital along the way, which as someone said further up is a pretty harrowing experience for all concerned.

Hopefully she is past that now - the last hospitalisation was 6 years ago. She's tried pretty much every antidepressant on the market and every form of talking therapy over the years, some with more success than others but nothing has ever made IT go away. She's currently taking lithium, lamotragine, agomelatine and pregabalin and has just started seeing a new psychotherapist.

Most worrying for both of us is that our eldest daughter is showing signs of having a depressive personality. There's a possible genetic link in depression so we need to keep a close eye on her.

As for the NHS - it's not perfect and a lot of its failings in the mental health area are purely down to funding. My wife has always been given access to the latest medication (even when it's not the cheapest) and has been under the care of NHS psychiatrists for most of her adult life. But there's a limit to what can be done. Some depressions are genuinely resistant to treatment and need to be managed rather than cured.

 

[SLA]

The biggest one for me is her going to the doctors/hospital. She's had all sorts of different tests because the smallest of things makes her think she has got something huge wrong with her and then I few days later she'll say something about me not caring, when the truth is I know that she's not got anything wrong with her. My biggest concern is that one day she may have something serious wrong and I will have brushed it under the carpet until we find out the full extent.

Holiday's are another difficult one as she gets very anxious about travelling, so at a time that should be exciting for the family is a nightmare from three days prior up until we get to the destination.

Yeah, the build up to things is always a tough one. Like you say, days of worry which infects everyone else.

The next big thing we've got coming up is her dad coming home from Crete to stay with us at Christmas. It's quite likely that the thought of that is already making her ill.

 

[Lycan]

Been looking at this thread for a while wondering what to say as I'm not currently at the stage where I feel comfortable talking about my own issues in much detail.

I've always been quite an easy going guy, I don't really feel self conscious in the way that others on here have described, I just tend to bumble along in life without caring too much about how others perceive me. A good friend of mine recently described me as the least vain person that she's ever met which I think is probably quite a decent call.

I came to a point a few years back though where I looked around and had to accept that certain childhood events had taken a much greater toll on me than I had previously allowed myself to admit. What I am is incredibly self destructive. I'm a massive fuck up and do some mind numbingly stupid things at times and looking back I've done all of them deliberately. I've consciously sabotaged every opportunity that has been handed to me, and I've been handed a fair few on a silver platter.

I've not explained that very well but whatever. I am seeking help as I owe it to myself to make more of my life than I have up to now.

 

[lemonjelly]

Massive kudos to everyone who has been brave/resilient enough to post here.

Equal kudos to others who have read, and are thinking whether or not to post. There's no obligation, everyone should only share what they are comfortable in sharing. However, if anyone gets any benefit from this thread, then there is happiness in that.

For many, the effects of MH can feel very internal, and specific to them. Knowing others experience these issues can be extremely helpful.

Also, those of us who are carers face related challenges, and struggle to understand the implications. It's good that there are people who are saying they don't know/understand stuff. Communicating about this is an extremely effective way of learning. I don't think that anyone is saying there is a right/wrong way to deal with these issues, but there are different ways. We are social creatures. We work better together, rather than in isolation. Lets support and look after each other.

 

[leedswolf]

.

 

[lemonjelly]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/oct/13/mental-health-sectioned-black-identity

 

[Siggy]

I had a complete meltdown in my 20s and couldn't function normally for quite a while. I have felt for a long time that we all lead an unnatural life and the things we are programmed to strive for create unhappiness, anxiety and depression. From a personal level I think some of my own problems were inflated by drinking a bit too much a bit too often, which I have addressed now.

I still have physical manifestations of MH issues, which unbelievably I have managed to hide from my employers.

I wouldn't wish someone's own mind working against them on anyone, the dark days are really dark.






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[Deleted Cyber]

I had a complete meltdown in my 20s and couldn't function normally for quite a while. I have felt for a long time that we all lead an unnatural life and the things we are programmed to strive for create unhappiness, anxiety and depression. From a personal level I think some of my own problems were inflated by drinking a bit too much a bit too often, which I have addressed now.

I still have physical manifestations of MH issues, which unbelievably I have managed to hide from my employers.

I wouldn't wish someone's own mind working against them on anyone, the dark days are really dark.






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Agreed. Even darker if you can't or dare not tell anyone for fear of reprisals.

 

[lemonjelly]

Agreed. Even darker if you can't or dare not tell anyone for fear of reprisals.

This needs to be overcome.

 

[YoungWolf]

This needs to be overcome.

Agree, this is so sad to read and see people I know act out of this fear.

It's quite something reading this thread. I can not relate to how people feel at all as I guess it is just something you couldn't understand fully unless you experience it. Nor would I ever pretend to.

My Grandad has had a really tough time in the past year or so which I posted about not too long ago. I'm not sure what has come of the whole scenario (he had been abused by a worker in the dementia unit he is in), but apparently he is a lot happier at the moment and my family have secured more funding for him to stay there.

It's so difficult seeing him, especially in the unit he is in which is just quite surreal. I try to remember him before he very quickly spiralled but he's so different now, and he is so oblivious. I had literally never seen him raise his voice once in my life until the last time I saw him when we were trying to get him to put his slippers on to go outside for some fresh air. Physically he is actually in very good health which is bizarre to me due to his eating habits for the past ten years (as in, hardly at all seemed to eat) but since he's been in the unit he has actually eaten a lot more I think.

 

[Derby Wolf]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41599714

Chris Kirkland opens up about his battles with anxiety and depression.

Obviously we've heard about Aaron Lennon and Clarke Carlisle when they've been in crisis but I commend Kirkland for being so frank.

 

[Alan]

I'm sorry to post this here but I don't always feel like I can go to people I know.

I've been struggling a lot recently. I've been suicidal. Hell, I'm suicidal as I type this. Just when you think things are under control, they get away from you.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm sorry to put this here. I'll be okay. But I had to say something where I knew someone would hear (read) it.

 

[Derby Wolf]

No need to apologise, Alan. I'm pretty sure this is the spirit in which the thread was created in. To help and support one another if needed.

I don't know your situation but having an outlet is vital for these things and whilst I wish you never feel this way I'm glad you have this thread now, you've been remarkably brave to admit this, that resilience will be handy during these dark periods. Do you have any free services for talking over there? We have Samaritans for instance.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

 

[Jabbawolf]

I'm sorry to post this here but I don't always feel like I can go to people I know.

I've been struggling a lot recently. I've been suicidal. Hell, I'm suicidal as I type this. Just when you think things are under control, they get away from you.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm sorry to put this here. I'll be okay. But I had to say something where I knew someone would hear (read) it.

Had a tough day yesterday myself - just have faith that your low mood will pass.

 

[lemonjelly]

Heartbreaking and really tough day today. Spent almost 2 hours with someone very suicidal. Then half hour with someone residing with a person developing some form of psychosis.
Both young people. Both being totally unsupported too.

Having to sit in a different room to my OH, as not currently capable of rational conversation, and am very snappy. (My choice btw, not banishment)

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Really poor couple of weeks for me. No real underlying reason why, it's just that way sometimes. Same old issues. It's not an easy thing to fix - I can't just take a tablet and feel better in a few hours. The best way (I think, anyway) is to try to carry on as normal as best I can and fight it, locking myself away and not interacting with anyone is the easy way out but solves nothing.

I think the worst of it is over but it's been proper shit. Apologies to anyone I might have been snippy to lately. It's delayed some writing I had planned but it's not the end of the world, it'll still get done.

 

[lemonjelly]

Really poor couple of weeks for me. No real underlying reason why, it's just that way sometimes. Same old issues. It's not an easy thing to fix - I can't just take a tablet and feel better in a few hours. The best way (I think, anyway) is to try to carry on as normal as best I can and fight it, locking myself away and not interacting with anyone is the easy way out but solves nothing.

I think the worst of it is over but it's been proper shit. Apologies to anyone I might have been snippy to lately. It's delayed some writing I had planned but it's not the end of the world, it'll still get done.

This bit is key for me. A lot of people hope/expect/anticipate some magic bullet quick fix. There's no such thing, at least at the moment.
I can't help but think that once we accept that, our expectations are more realistic, and then we don't give ourselves such a hard time about being ill, thus we don't make our health worse.

Have recently found out a mate who broke contact with me appears to be having a form of breakdown. Part of his breaking contact (I worried I'd pissed him off) is that he feels he has nothing to give me. All I'd like is for him to be well, and maybe some of his time (eg to visit, or chat on the phone). I really don't know how to get through to him (or even if I can) as he's not answering calls/texts, hasn't for nearly a year. I still send the odd text to let him know I'm thinking about him.

 

[Jabbawolf]

Really poor couple of weeks for me. No real underlying reason why, it's just that way sometimes. Same old issues. It's not an easy thing to fix - I can't just take a tablet and feel better in a few hours. The best way (I think, anyway) is to try to carry on as normal as best I can and fight it, locking myself away and not interacting with anyone is the easy way out but solves nothing.

I think the worst of it is over but it's been proper shit. Apologies to anyone I might have been snippy to lately. It's delayed some writing I had planned but it's not the end of the world, it'll still get done.

Dan - the only thing I would take issue with is the idea of fighting it - don't fight it, accept that is the way things are right now, and carry on as best you can with 'normal' life - you kind of said this yourself, and it may be just semantics, but accepting rather than fighting helps me (sometimes!).

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Yeah, what I mean is if I just think "I feel like shit, I'm going to sit here until it goes away" then that won't get me anywhere. It's not easy to get up and do stuff, make the effort to go out etc (I was fairly close to missing the game on Saturday as I wasn't in a good way at all) but that's what I've got to do.

I suppose if Friday/Saturday last week was 1/10 then I'm at 3/10 now, and we'll keep trying to go the right way.