The Mental Health thread

[Murphy]

I went through with a marriage to a woman I didn’t actually like very much - turns out it wasn’t a good idea (I know, shocker right?) I tried to call it off the week before but she cried and I caved - bejng “nice” isn’t a great idea when you’re doing something that will affect the rest of your life.

If you don’t think it’s the right thing to do, there’s a good chance it isn’t the right thing to do. At the very least, talk about it with someone neutral and understand why you’re dreading it.

Good post

 

[Jabbawolf]

Anybody tried cannabis oil?

 

[Del Woppio]

I went through with a marriage to a woman I didn’t actually like very much - turns out it wasn’t a good idea (I know, shocker right?) I tried to call it off the week before but she cried and I caved - bejng “nice” isn’t a great idea when you’re doing something that will affect the rest of your life.

If you don’t think it’s the right thing to do, there’s a good chance it isn’t the right thing to do. At the very least, talk about it with someone neutral and understand why you’re dreading it.

That's me. Twice. Keeping schtum and hoping everything will be OK isn't a great strategy for future happiness

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

Anybody tried cannabis oil?

Yes. Really liked it buts a very heavy high. Feels tough on the lungs but hits you quicker.
When I lived in Canada we used to roll straight weed spliffs and paint them with hash oil. We would be whacked for hours. Great laughs.

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

To everyone who has commented or advised me on my wedding predicament, thank you for the advise.
Currently discussing relationship counselling as we both don't want to let things just slide away without working at it.
But I really appreciate the input and messages from all of you, it really helped me work through thing's in my head without feeling alone so thanks for that.

 

[Lycan]

A stream of consciousness incoming.

s a few of you already know, I lost my mother to cancer last November. It was a slow, cruel way for such a wonderful woman to die and I found it incredibly difficult to have to watch and be able to do nothing to help. I've had a few experiences with death, a group of my friends were killed in a car accident a few years ago and I was involved in a pretty traumatic event as a child but this was the first time it affected my family directly. I kind of just bottled it all up and convinced myself to believe people when they told me how well I was dealing with it all and how strong I was being.

The other half of this situation is my dad, who to put it mildly has always been a bit of a cunt. Not in a violent, drunk kind of way but in a deceitful, pathetic, cowardly, selfish kind of way. His relationship with my Mum was never the easiest, there were always accusations of cheating (never proven) from her side and they clearly resented each other. I knew he would move on fairly sharpish but signing up to a dating site 2 days after the funeral... I don't know, maybe it's just me but that just repulses me to my very core. Publicly he played the part of the grieving widower (anything for attention) but privately he was going on dates with this little fucking troll of a woman within a week and on one particular occasion actually stopped in to a silversmiths to buy her jewellery on his way back from collecting my mum's ashes from the funeral directors. The level of disrespect sickens me to my stomach. Who behaves like that?

He tried to keep it secret from us but we knew within days. It's not hard to tell when he's lying (mainly because he's constantly fucking lying). At the beginning it suited us to go along with it and pretend it wasn't happening, especially for my sister who is still living at home while she studies. We then began to catch him trying to sneak her into the house when he thought my sister was away so decided that it was time to confront him. The rows that followed have basically torn my family apart forever. Genuinely like something straight off Jeremy Kyle. My dad's delightful new girlfriend has had her family knocking on my door at 3am threatening to beat me up, I've had a brick through the window on Xmas eve, my dad has actually tried to fake being in a car accident (I don’t know how he thought he'd get away with that one) in an attempt to get us to rush to his side and feel sorry for him and anyone who hasn't taken his side has been subject to vile threats on Facebook from his new friends. There's a whole load I’m leaving out but safe to say that none of it paints him in a good light.
Throughout all this I've been slowly coming to the realisation that I’m going to have to split up with my girlfriend. She's helped me through a lot and is a genuinely lovely person but I’m just not happy. The thing is I know how much it would hurt her, she's in the middle of the last year of a law degree and she's stood by me through so much. I feel like the most heartless bastard ever to even be considering it. Part of me wants to give it at least until she's finished her degree but I'm going to be 29 soon, I do want to settle down with someone and start a family eventually can I really be wasting time in a relationship which I know won't ever work in the long term? I feel so pissed off at myself as well because there's literally nothing wrong with her. A little high maintenance I suppose, a little boring sometimes but she's also sweet, kind, endearingly daft and it's clear that she loves me. What is wrong with me that I can't make it work with someone so nice?
There's also my work, which I am finding unnecessarily stressful for such a shit job, and the fact that out of a building of 290 I can probably count on one hand the people I actually like. I know everyone has to work with people they don't get on with at some point but this built on top of everything else is seriously getting me down.
Anyway, it's all just building up at the moment and I needed somewhere to vent. I’ve had a few minor breakdowns recently, mostly private, one or two on the phone to my Oma or alone with my girlfriend (who is a fucking star, she really is) but I can feel it still bubbling away in the background and I’m worried it’ll all burst out in an appalling public display. Writing it down seems to help with some of you lot and at the moment the only part of my life that I’m genuinely enjoying is my days away at the football, seriously I live for meeting you bunch of misfits for a laugh and watching Nuno's Wolves batter some team right now.

Rant over.

 

[Jabbawolf]

Sam - you’ve been through some horrible stuff, so it’s completely understandable that you would be unhappy in general - were you happy with your gf before your mum fell ill? It would be easy to transfer your sadness about your mum (and your dad too) onto your relationship.

She sounds like a lot of people’s partners - mostly positive stuff with a few things you have to accept.

My thoughts are not to do anything rash, and see how you feel when time starts to heal your upset about losing your mother so cruelly.

 

[Parkins left foot]

Wasn't going to respond till I got home as me typing on my phone taxes my tech skills, but would fully agree with Jabba.
You have been through a load of trauma & still with the situation re your dad. Not the best time to make other dramatic decisions.
Keep venting on here if it helps

 

[Pablowolf]

Sounds to me like it could be a domino effect of your job and your Dad's new fuckwit mates having a knock-on effect with your girlfriend. It also sounds to me like your Dad is a proper shitehawk and frankly you're best off not bothering with him.

Just a thought, but could a change of scenery possibly help you out? You and I don't exactly have deep and serious conversations but you seem smart and you're definitely a personable person. Maybe a move to the delightful Midlands might help? Just thinking with my keyboard...just seems that it'd solve all three issues in one go.

Aaaaaand another thought. Do you think with all that's going on that you might be suffering with anxiety or a touch of depression? If so, get some help because it really can work.

 

[Premier Quality]

I’d normally say to tackle one issue at a time, and see whether reducing stress can improve the others - I’m not sure what you can do about your dad though, where’s your head at with options?

The job one though - you spend too much time at work not to enjoy what you do.

Hope things improve for you. Keep venting on here, it’s a safe environment and will help you get your thoughts aired, which definitely helps.

 

[Murphy]

I'll agree with both previous posts. Having been through a lot of shit in my life and still am for that matter. Now is not the time to make knee jerk decisions. You have to come to come to terms with where you are in your life and then make the decisions. Seek help if needed it is out there.

 

[Paddingtonwolf]

Ah. Dear black dog. I have almost missed you, you utter bastard. Really bad episode tonight and I can't fathom a cause or a reason.

 

[Deleted Cyber]

Ah. Dear black dog. I have almost missed you, you utter bastard. Really bad episode tonight and I can't fathom a cause or a reason.

Sending you some positive vibes then. I need a good sparring partner on here! :shakehand::boxing::nod:

(hopefully youre smiling a little now)

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

Ah. Dear black dog. I have almost missed you, you utter bastard. Really bad episode tonight and I can't fathom a cause or a reason.

you drinking much at the moment Pad?

Im off it for Jan and starting to feel the benefits today.

 

[Paddingtonwolf]

Tons.

Need to lay off the wine again at least.

 

[lemonjelly]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/46803699

 

[Pablowolf]

Tons.

Need to lay off the wine again at least.

You need to not drink everyday. for starters. It will not be doing you any good mentally or physically.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

Once you get to your late 30s and early 40s, there is fuck all cool about drinking to excess.

I only really drink on matchdays now, I try to look after myself.

There's nowt good about buying two pints at a time for no reason or going to a (shit) pub every single day for no reason. You really don't need to do the latter, you have to go past your house from work to get to that pub. It's probably £50+ a week that could be used better elsewhere too. Did you actually sort out your driving licence in the end given you were (maybe still are) technically driving illegally? I'd rather have an actual licence for 10 years or whatever than have four pints in the fucking Western.

Stop drinking so much and I guarantee you'll feel better. I'm not being a preachy bastard because I know how annoying that is, and I still love a pint as and when, but seriously. That's the root cause. It was the case two years ago and it's the case now. Don't change that and nothing will change.

 

[visage]

I had to go to a mate's funeral yesterday - his missus had kicked him out and a week later he topped himself. Seeing his hysterical kids at the funeral was horrific.

ANd it was heaving, must have been a couple of hundred people there, any of which would have moved heaven and earth to give him a shoulder to cry on.

 

[Dublin Drummer Wolf]

You need to not drink everyday. for starters. It will not be doing you any good mentally or physically.

Yep. It's not as tough as you may think. Few hours of Red Dead, cook a nice meal that involves an hour of prep and cooking time, chat to the missus, watch some Netflix, then bed early. Repeat from Mon - Thur and you will start to feel a lot better. Thats how I spend my evenings now and every day I am feeling better and better.