The Mental Health thread

[Deutsch Wolf]

I'm utterly dreadful at bigging myself up so cannot offer you any advice there I'm afraid! Doesn't even matter if people tell me independently of each other that I shouldn't feel the way I do. It's one of my many issues, although I do try my hardest to work at it.

I suppose all I can say is that you're not alone in this respect.

 

[YoungWolf]

That's actually a really normal thing. Writing a piece to scream how fucking good you are seems to offend against our psyche. Don't let it demolish your mood though. Acknowledge the issue, greet it, and move on to writing that piece selling yourself. It will get a bit more natural as you go along with it.

Indeed. Lincs I had similar issues with my masters application, and having the same with job applications. It makes me feel uncomfortable but I am getting better at selling myself. A friend of mine had to give me a right kick up the arse recently about it because I really do undersell my abilities.

 

[Pompey Wolf]

Working for a careers service in a university I can confirm that you certainly are not alone in this mate. I see it everyday, students and graduates underselling themselves, struggling with confidence, most of us just aren’t natural self-promoters. As Warwick said, essentially it’s promotional content, just try to systematically meet the points you need to and don’t think too deeply into it!

 

[Paddingtonwolf]

Its an issue I have struggled with for (shit this is scary I am old) quarter of a century. Some people (my brother is one) are just naturals at selling themselves. Others like me are not. The thing to remember is the skill you are trying to sell. If you are good at that skill then it will become clear in the end if you go for it. You can't guarantee success, but you can guarantee failure by hiding it away never to see the light

 

[tricky wolf]

well my wife passed away 12/04/18 ………. feel useless empty lonely .empty vessel !

 

[Del Woppio]

Mate that's awful, can't imagine how you must feel. Best of luck to you and your family

 

[YoungWolf]

So sorry to hear that tricky. Thoughts with you and your family

 

[Johnny75]

My condolences Tricky and I wish you all the luck in the world to getting through this.

 

[lemonjelly]

Thoughts with you tricky. The first year is always the hardest. Don't feel you have to get through everything alone. Bond with family, and vent here if it helps.

Celebrate all the good times you had mate. Focus on those, and how wonderful some of those times were.

 

[lemonjelly]

On the selling yourself thing, I can relate. In our pay review scheme here at work I decided to put in this year (having never ever asked for a pay rise in my life). It was phenomenally difficult, and I did a terrible job. However a manager did some re-jigging with my awful jottings. His tip - write in the third person.

 

[Tredman]

I think it depends on what you are trying to get over - if you are trying to sell yourself and your personal qualities, as opposed to your experience / qualification, go for the first person - if what you want to do is your passion really try and get that across, that needs the first person. If its experience / qualifications or on a CV go for the 3rd person.

I know its difficult to do, but if you really want the potential result you have to try and put that to one side and put yourself out there.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

I have enough problems without writing as if I've turned into Micky Adams

 

[SLA]

Can sympathise, Lincs. Going through the painful process of creating the undergraduate personal statement with my daughter at the moment. She's chronically shy and underconfident, with absolutely no idea what direction she'd like to go in academically. All it's doing is bringing home to her what a worthless human being she is - no personality, no interests, no desire to study anything in particular. All complete horseshit of course but the whole thing seems designed to make you feel this way. Made worse by the fact that her friends are all passionate about becoming doctors or vets or going to Cambridge to study classics or whatever.

 

[PPB]

well my wife passed away 12/04/18 ………. feel useless empty lonely .empty vessel !

Bloody hell tricky so sorry. Thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[darlowolf64]

Thoughts with you tricky. The first year is always the hardest. Don't feel you have to get through everything alone. Bond with family, and vent here if it helps.

Celebrate all the good times you had mate. Focus on those, and how wonderful some of those times were.

Fully agree with this, Tricky... Don't bottle things up, try to talk to friends and family as much as you can and remember the good times.
Stay strong

 

[Trips]

Thoughts are with you tricky at this difficult time. And I echo what everyone else has said, try and talk with others as best you can.

 

[Parkins left foot]

well my wife passed away 12/04/18 ………. feel useless empty lonely .empty vessel !

So sorry to read this - everyone needs to deal with this in their own way, but as others have said you need a network of others (whether that is family or elsewhere)

My elder sister lost her husband last Nov & know that she has gained help from within her group of church friends as we have always been a fairly physically separated set of siblings

 

[Derby Wolf]

Tricky that's some awful news. I'm so sorry to hear. As others have said, speak to and lean on your friends and family. They're there for you.

-----

Thanks for the positive posts everyone. Id rather none of us felt this way at times but there is some comfort knowing I'm not alone. Today has been a much more productive day. LJ:- writing in the third person was fucking INSPIRED. I wrote about 300/500 words. I also tackled why "Mike" wants to study at Derby first so I could ease my way into it but it was phenomenal how easier writing mike/his/he is rather than I/my. Obviously it'll be altered back to first person before it's sent but hopefully I can finish it tomorrow save for refining.

Can sympathise, Lincs. Going through the painful process of creating the undergraduate personal statement with my daughter at the moment. She's chronically shy and underconfident, with absolutely no idea what direction she'd like to go in academically. All it's doing is bringing home to her what a worthless human being she is - no personality, no interests, no desire to study anything in particular. All complete horseshit of course but the whole thing seems designed to make you feel this way. Made worse by the fact that her friends are all passionate about becoming doctors or vets or going to Cambridge to study classics or whatever.

You pretty much nailed how i feel about myself most of the time,Feels like a battle between the invisible telling me these baseless things and then the rational side with tangible evidence I'm capable and none of the above and this seesaw tipping one way to the other. sounds like your daughters lucky to have you trying to help her though. It's insane putting this much pressure onto young adults to know what they want to do. Best wishes to her.

 

[Deutsch Wolf]

I'm probably the worst person to give advice in this area as I have ridiculous self-esteem issues (and often, in the cold light of day, I can see that they're stupid) but as I've been trying to work through it over the last year or so, I've found it helpful just to keep a list of things I've achieved in the last 12-18 months. Doesn't even have to be major stuff, some of it is work/writing related, some of it is personal hurdles. It doesn't solve everything but it does help me feel a bit better.

 

[tricky wolf]

thanks peeps for the kind words trying to keep bizzy but then I feel burnt out ! see the kids and grand kids most weekends. but feeling lonely in a room of ppl is a new one for me lol . was gonna get ST but that's gone now lol just ordered a punch bag to take the frustration out me . hope it helps like it used to