DANCING WITH WOLVES
Humanity has long since established that there is nothing quite like the English Premier League, which is different from every other league that is almost identical to it by virtue of pronouncing itself as such more loudly than them, more often than them. It has more tradition than Tevye, more thrills than Thriller and more mythology than mythology itself – chances are, you’re choking up while reading this, and rightly so.
And there is nothing more English than a Monday night clash between famed purveyors of morality, Manchester City, and Jorge Mendes FC, an absolute paragon of red-hot “THIS LEAGUE” action. When Stan Cullis said: “You only have the one life and I gave mine to Wolves,” little did he know that, one fine day, his sacrifice and love would be dwarfed by that of a Portuguese superhero with a sharp suit, devastating rolodex and colossal income, who for some inexplicable but palpably altruistic reason had always felt tremendous affinity to the Wulfrunian way of life. Where other Mr 15%s deal in bullsh!t, he deals in Bullsteve; when they drink up jars, he drinks in Matt Jarvis; and while they cook their tea, he Paul Cooks it. Kenny Hibbitt? Yes he can!
Mendes FC will, though, attack Monday night’s game without the services of Diogo Jota, who is now a Liverpool player. To simpletons, losing so good a player might seem like a blow to the Molineux club, but in reality the reverse is so: the eponymous Mendes can now use his cut of the transfer fee to embroider his personal bank account, before bringing another player into the club, for another cut of another transfer fee, to embroider that same bank account. Everyone’s a winner, baby.