So, here we go. Hack pieces like this really do deserve to be picked apart.
Wolverhampton Wanderers now have as many Portuguese players on their books as Porto.
That's right. The Championship winners and the Primeira Liga champions both have seven players from the Iberian peninsula in their first team squads.
Irrelevant really, isn't it. Are you saying we have too many or they have too few?
This is the work of Nuno Espirito Santo, a little-known manager when he was appointed at Molineux 12 months ago with previous experience at Rio Ave, Valencia and Porto - not the typical CV of a Championship boss.
If you're writing a sentence, best not to have the two halves directly contradict each other. As a rule.
The common denominator in all of these teams is Jorge Mendes, the agent whose now-sprawling empire was launched 22 years ago when he negotiated Nuno's transfer to Deportivo La Coruna. Over two decades later, Nuno still listens to every word Mendes says. When he told Nuno to go to Wolves, he did.
You know this, do you? You know Nuno is just a puppet who does as he says? Because he doesn't really come across that way. But please, continue.
Every time Wolves have signed a Portuguese player since then, the move has Mendes' fingerprints all over it.
Not true, Ruben Vinagre is not represented by Gestifute.
It is against the rules for an agent to be in charge of a club's recruitment, but Mendes walks this fine line with the precision of a man who has mastered all the loopholes of his craft.
Does he walk that line, or is he in fact not an employee of Wolverhampton Wanderers and doesn't represent our club in negotiations? I mean you have your supposition and I have my facts and evidence, so who's to say.
Last season's runaway Championship winners had six of Mendes' clients in their squad, and the Portuguese revolution has continued unabated this summer. Rui Patricio and Joao Moutinho, both part of the squad that won Euro 2016, have been added to the mix. Moutinho, who once joined Monaco in a £62.3m double deal with James Rodriguez, cost just £5m.
Players in "declining value as they enter their 30s" shocker. I like how £62.3m is used as the figure when the vast majority of that would be taken up by James, not Joao. You can bundle me in with Anthony Martial when he leaves United if you like, it doesn't make me worth £50m. Also as I've pointed out on Twitter - back in 2015 Man Utd paid £6.5m for 30 year old Bastian Schweinsteiger who won the World Cup one year beforehand. How much are we supposed to be paying for 31 year old Joao Moutinho, out of interest? What are you implying here?
It seems ridiculous to talk about the "problems" with Wolves' current transfer policy, when they have just been promoted to the Premier League and are being widely tipped for a Europa League challenge in the campaign ahead.
Yes, it does. First sensible thing you've said so far.
But the key word there is "current". The LMA's end of season report revealed that the average length of an incumbent Football League manager's tenure now stands at 1.53 years. Clubs have to plan for their future, regardless of who will be in charge and for how long. In other words, they have to be sustainable.
Wolves' current model is not sustainable. Mendes is building an excellent team for Nuno, but that's the point: he's building it for Nuno. Not for Wolves. As long as Nuno is in charge at Wolves, that's fine. But what happens when he leaves, or is sacked?
Quite the pickle, isn't it. I guess we'd better not sack him then. Shouldn't be too hard. And he's already turned down a move to Everton, so he doesn't look like going anywhere soon of his own volition.
After all, this is unknown territory for Nuno. In his previous roles at Valencia and Porto he became accustomed to winning most of his games, and this continued last season at Wolves. They never went more than three games without a victory during their promotion campaign.
That sort of consistency will be impossible to replicate this season. Wolves - along with over half of the Premier League - will probably lose more games than they will win. As Neil Warnock has proved over and over again, a good Championship manager isn't necessarily a good Premier League manager.
This is simply all over the place. Man wins lots of games wherever he goes,
but what if he doesn't? It must have plagued Alex Ferguson for years.
If Wolves find themselves struggling near the bottom of the league in the crunch stages of the season, they will have to consider making a change.
Will we? You sure? I thought our club were in cahoots with Mr Mendes and couldn't sack him? Make your mind up mate.
On the other hand, if Wolves do as well as many expect them to, there could be a number of more prestigious teams eyeing Nuno next summer.
Such as?
The real question is not if Nuno leaves.
So why have you spent half this article saying it is?
The question is what happens to Mendes when he does.
Leaves what?
Will he continue to honour his relationship with Fosun, the club's Chinese owners who own shares in his GestiFute agency?
Probably, seems a fairly safe bet. Businesses tend to generally avoid annoying shareholders.
Or will he follow Nuno to his next club, and take his Portuguese clients with him?
You do know that's not how it works, right?
Those are long-term concerns though, and there are much more immediate questions to be answered. One of the big ones is whether players like Patricio and Moutinho - who came from title-challenging clubs that expected to win every week - can adjust to a very different set of expectations in the Premier League.
Well, you never know. But I doubt Rui Patricio is that bothered about facing Bournemouth, Cardiff, Brighton and Watford, no disrespect.
One only has to look at another of Mendes' clients, Renato Sanches. His move to Swansea was seen as a major coup last summer, but he struggled to adapt to life at the Liberty Stadium. Going from Bayern Munich to Swansea was too much of a culture shock for the youngster.
One Mendes player fails = they all fail. Someone tell Cron immediately, this move to Turin is a big mistake.
Wolves' current squad hasn't really faced any adversity yet to test their mentality. They entered the top six of the Championship in the second week of last season and never left. Winning is the best motivation for any team and Wolves couldn't stop winning in 2017/18.
What happens when this team isn't winning on a regular basis? Nuno doesn't know yet, but he will surely find out in the cut-and-thrust of the Premier League. The beginning of the campaign isn't too harsh on Wolves, but that makes it all the more imperative that they start off on the right foot. If they don't, all sorts of fractures could start to appear.
Again. All. Over. The. Fucking. Show. If you did bother to look, you'll see we did have a slightly iffy run or two last season and we fixed it. Maybe we should have lost some more to give us that experience.
If things do turn sour, the question will be how many of these players are loyal to Wolves, and how many are only loyal to the current regime. Almost every Portuguese player at the club is there because of Nuno and his relationship with Mendes. Do they have a future at Wolves after the current manager moves on?
I genuinely don't understand what any of this means.
If and when Nuno does depart Molineux, his successor could find himself managing players who no longer want to be at the club. A mass clear-out could be in order at that stage, but Wolves have so many players with GestiFute connections on their books that it would take several transfer windows to get rid of them all.
Nor this.
If this all seems horribly pessimistic. Wolves are in a good place right now and they should have a pretty good season. But every bubble bursts at some point, and when this one goes pop, it'll be very interesting to watch.
Don't deal in absolutes, it never ends well.
Get out of here you absolute fucking amateur. Next time you need to fill 1,200 words to be contrary, make a better effort of it than that.
. Wasn't it about 70 quid?
