Cracking Story

[darlowolf64]

At what point do you think "I'll sell this story to the papers"

http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/06/stude...r-backside-during-sex-with-boyfriend-6174685/

"We tried a fork handle (there's a two Ronnies joke in there) and BARBACUE PRONGS"!! Good lord...

 

[Parkins left foot]

"We tried a fork handle (there's a two Ronnies joke in there) and BARBACUE PRONGS"!! Good lord...

Maybe that's why they couldn't get it out - they were using the wrong version of fork handles/four candles

 

[machin05]

Welcome to the interconnected big data world of future - https://www.theguardian.com/technol...-make-cup-of-tea-with-wi-fi-kettle?CMP=twt_gu

Data specialist spends 11 hours trying to make a cup of tea on WiFi kettle :icon_lol:

 

[The Bear]

"Well the kettle is back online and responding to voice control, but now we're eating dinner in dark while lights download a firmware update"

Brilliant.

 

[lemonjelly]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3886762/British-tramp-51-dead-Spain-ham-buttocks-genitals-tuna-killed-fellow-vagrant-row-food.html

 

[Kenny]

Walsall minds at work here

Going to nick some fireworks...shit they are in a locked container....I know I will use this power tool to break in, I am sure the Fireworks will be fine surrounding by flying sparks.

http://www.expressandstar.com/news/...ked-catastrophic-blaze-at-bescot-retail-park/

 

[Hereford Wolf]

http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/...ned-criminal/story-21723348-detail/story.html

 

[The Bear]

Had to be the Sport.

 

[SSB]

Last week...
Hundreds signing petition as protest against huge Wolverhampton turbine gathers speed
http://www.expressandstar.com/news/...nst-huge-wolverhampton-turbine-gathers-speed/

This week...
Wind power firm collapses putting 45 jobs at risk
http://www.expressandstar.com/busin...power-firm-collapses-putting-45-jobs-at-risk/

 

[Sniffer]

http://metro.co.uk/2016/12/12/woman...-like-danny-dyer-saying-come-on-then-6317402/

 

[So Long Architect]

https://www.theguardian.com/law/201...re-at-abusive-defendant-cleared-of-misconduct

'The defendant, who was appearing at Chelmsford crown court, interrupted her, saying: “It’s obvious, isn’t it? Because you’re a cunt and I’m not.” The judge then responded: “Well, you’re a bit of a cunt yourself. Being offensive to me doesn’t make things better at all.”

When Lynch confirmed the defendant’s sentence, Hennigan, 50, said: “Go fuck yourself.” Lynch retorted: “You too. Take him down.”'

 

[Parkins left foot]

https://www.theguardian.com/law/201...re-at-abusive-defendant-cleared-of-misconduct

'The defendant, who was appearing at Chelmsford crown court, interrupted her, saying: “It’s obvious, isn’t it? Because you’re a cunt and I’m not.” The judge then responded: “Well, you’re a bit of a cunt yourself. Being offensive to me doesn’t make things better at all.”

When Lynch confirmed the defendant’s sentence, Hennigan, 50, said: “Go fuck yourself.” Lynch retorted: “You too. Take him down.”'

The complainants comment at the end of that is priceless - someone with nothing better to do

 

[Langers]

I think all sentencing should come with an obligatory torrent of abuse at the defendant.

 

[Parkins left foot]

As most judges are (or should be) well educated suggest that they do it in Latin or classical Greek - that way they can be offensive with very few knowing what they are actually saying

 

[So Long Architect]

Cuntus maximus?

 

[Langers]

How do you say spunkbungling cuntfarmer in Latin?

 

[So Long Architect]

How do you say spunkbungling cuntfarmer in Latin?

No joy on Google Translate. The only language brave enough to give it a go that I've found is Turkish - "Salak orospu çocuğu"

 

[Parkins left foot]

How do you say spunkbungling cuntfarmer in Latin?

Just totally confused 2 translating websites trying that :icon_lol:

 

[lemonjelly]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/boss-hilarious-response-hungover-employee-9769904
:icon_lol:

 

[Nando]

Dave: It’s a rip-off to charge £1.25, but who would put ketchup on fish and chips? I use homemade mint sauce.

Is this you, Bear?

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...ay-rick-stein-125-for-some-ketchup?CMP=twt_gu