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The Mental Health thread

Don't know if this is even really appropriate to be posting on here to be honest but I've not told anyone in my real life.

My wife fell pregnant a few weeks back and is getting an abortion. She doesn't want it but I do. We already have one and she's always said she wouldn't be able to have an abortion if she ever got pregnant again. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, she made her mind up she was having an abortion. I think that's the bit that's really messing with me.

It's killing me to be honest. I've always been very pro choice but I've been imaging the two possibilities and I'm really struggling with the fact in 9 months there'd be another little baby here we'd both love.

I was born into very difficult circumstances where logically my mother shouldn't have had me, I'm no doubt projecting myself into this situation and identifying with the foetus, which objectively doesn't make any sense. My wife is very pragmatic and I can logically see exactly where she is coming from, but my insecurities are causing me to see her decision as a reflection on me and my perceived failings as a father.

Of course it's my wife's choice and I want to be supportive of her, I'm just finding it really hard at the moment. I've got alot of shit bottled up and for some reason this situation seems to have stirred it all up again. I hope this post doesn't come across as self indulgent, just writing it has helped clarify things in my mind a little bit.
 
Not at all self indulgent. I would point out as a married couple it's not her choice it's yours as a duo obviously if there is a disagreement then one side will ultimately get their way, but don't diminish your feelings or opinions because you are a man. Good luck
 
Thanks mate, that's bit I'm struggling with. Obviously the burden of having a child is massively on the woman in bearing the child and my wife had a really difficult labour and subsequently found it really hard, so I can totally understand where she is coming from. So for me to try and convince her to keep this one seems unfair on her, so I've not done that, but like I said it's just really killing me. It's mad the media portrayal is usually of the men making the woman have an abortion isn't it. Thanks for your reply it means a lot, I'm sure we'll come through this and be stronger for it, it's just shit at the minute.
 
I have thoughts about this situation but... I'm not sure that I can put them softly.

In short, if either of you both aren't all in on having another child... I don't think you should.

But I appreciate that the situation is absolutely crushing for both of you regardless and I sincerely hope you find a way to navigate things together.
 
It's a tough one, whatever is decided, one of you is going to be unhappy. All you can do is a have a long discussion about it and each try to put your reasons behind your thoughts (apologies if you've already done that) and try to keep it low key. Good luck mate and both try to keep in mind you already have one child who needs your love.
 
She does know Den yes. I'm wary of pushing it too hard though. I'm sure that if I really tried I could convince her to keep it, but it would be reluctantly. I agree with Alan that both parties really should be fully on board with it, especially the woman. It'd be a terrible situation if ever something went wrong, or she somehow resented her situation having gone along with something she wasn't fully commited to for me.

Our lives are good at the moment. We've been together for years and years and for the first time ever we're within touching distance of having some proper disposable income to start enjoying ourselves a little bit after years of paying off debt, saving for a house, doing up a house, saving for a baby. This has just totally caught us by surprise as we are careful. Thanks for the replies, I'd had a few to drink last night and it was a bit cathartic to just get it out. I'm sure that it'll all be ok.
 
WolfMan said:
I was born into very difficult circumstances where logically my mother shouldn't have had me, I'm no doubt projecting myself into this situation and identifying with the foetus, which objectively doesn't make any sense. My wife is very pragmatic and I can logically see exactly where she is coming from, but my insecurities are causing me to see her decision as a reflection on me and my perceived failings as a father.
Click to expand...

It’s very brave to be so open and honest. I think the above part quoted shows remarkable insight and empathy, you should be very proud of that.

There is something cruel about the turmoil a caring person endures when dealing with sensitive issues that is often avoided by those oblivious to the layers of emotions of both themselves and others. I guess that awareness is what helps maintain relationships and find healthy solutions but it comes with it’s own challenges for sure. Still, rather that than the alternative, as without it the outcomes are not very good at all.

Good luck finding a route through this, you sound like a very agreeable person but don’t forget to protect your own interests too.
 
I can't do this any more, genuinely.

I'm letting the world down and just wasting everyone's time. So it's a case of get the affairs in order and I'll go. Best for everyone.

Cheers.
 
There's a little switch somewhere that just flips sometimes. I wish I knew how to concrete over the bastard.

It's ok, got some rest, I've been pushing myself too hard and imagining scenarios that aren't rooted in reality. I'm obviously not in a good patch but I'll work it out.
 
I'm shite, I know that. I just muddle through as best I can. Not very well sometimes.
 
I'm just coming out of a really bad spell that had a grip on me for the last month. Longest such an episode has lasted for me in years. Really felt like it wasn't ever going to end for a bit there. But it did. It always does.

Hang in there, Dan.
 
I feel like a fraud to be honest. Call myself a writer but I don't write anything.

I'm 40 years old and I have no idea what I do for a living.
 
For what it's worth, I think you've earned the right to call yourself that. Whatever struggle you face with quantity, the quality of your writing is unimpeachable.
 
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