Happy to channel my inner Barry Norman on this occasion:
Green Street 2
Occasionally, you watch a film which is so horrendously bad that you have to keep watching it because it's either amusing or to tell people 'I watched this and it was sooooo bad'. But sometimes, a really really bad film transcends that and is just borderline offensive.
Green Street 2 makes no sense. At all. There may be some form of plot in there but TBH if there was, I missed it and I don't think it's because it was too subtle. Plenty of 'facks' and 'cants' and 'slags getting cut' during fights in prison cells (honestly - shocking security in a prison....) and - spoiler: there's a football match involved and some of the players resort to fouling each other. To summarise: a guy we barely saw in GS1 is in prison with lots of other guys we definitely never saw from GS1. They support West Ham, so inevitably, the prison authorities put them in a block with lots of Millwall fans (they're the baddies) none of whom we ever saw in GS1 either, not even the big bloke who played Ackerman in Red Dwarf VIII. The guards/warden of this prison DEFINITELY didn't see GS1 because if you put West Ham 'lads' anywhere near Millwall 'lads', they tend to like bashing seven shades of shit out of each other. Anyway, they don't get on, and no surprises here - they fight a lot. Oh yeah, and there are some shady Russian hooligans in there as well because - y'know - why not? They're good at hooligans.
The entertainment industry is full of weird links - one of these is that an actor (Ross McCall) from the incredible Band of Brothers - my favourite drama of all time and choc-a-block full of amazing performances - is the lead role in this turd of a movie.
The only positive I can say about Green Street 2 is that it makes the original Green Street look half decent and full of Oscar-worthy performances. (Narrator: the original Green Street is NOT half decent and does NOT feature Oscar winning performances. Elijah Wood sadly does not make a credible football hooligan and Charlie Hunnam cannot do a cockney accent...) But sadly, that positive note is lost when I would have rather spent the 90 minutes suffering this shit waist deep in raw sewage.
It truly is one of the very worst films I have ever seen.
0/5
