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The All New Adverts that Grind my Gears

"I just sold my car, quick, quick"...Really? Then you probably got about half of what it's actually worth then, didn't you, you thick crud-eating whore...Go and suck Satan's cock...
 
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yabbadabbadoo said:
Plusnet. Good honest broadband from Yorkshire? My arse. Why be proud to say they're from the county renowned for being mean with money and instantly blow their chances of anyone from across the Penines looking at them? As for having Heaven 17 on the ad, Jesu Christo.....
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They won't be beat on price. Use proper English for fuck's sake.
 
Cash for Gold etc etc, play on peoples poverty you vampires, theyre only going to give you 40% of what its worth anyway !
we are 'Injury Lawyers 4 you', no your not your an actor Ive seen you before !
 
Deutsch Wolf said:
The background music on so many of them now is incredibly twee and annoying. Tesco for a kick off.
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Ah, yes, so much twee nu-folk shite. Lots of grown women trying to sing like pwetty likkle 12 year olds while some vacant 20-something in a floaty floral print dress somersaults through a giant duvet or cartwheels through a meadow.

And those yoghurt fuckers will never be forgiven for what they did to Nina Simone's Ain't Got No/I Got Life.
 
What sickens me more is the wealthy actors and comedians who do these ads. People like David Mitchell do all sorts of ads and then think people should take their opinions voiced on Question Time seriously.

My other current fave is the ever shite Paddy McGuinness advertising gambling sites - the industry that fucks his own fanbase. Brilliant.
 
Bill Hicks said it so well:

By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself.

No, no, no it's just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they'll take root - I don't know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself.

Seriously though, if you are, do.

Aaah, no really, there's no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan's little helpers. Okay - kill yourself - seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No this is not a joke, you're going, "there's going to be a joke coming," there's no fucking joke coming. You are Satan's spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It's the only way to save your fucking soul, kill yourself.

Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, "he's doing a joke..." there's no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend - I don't care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking makinations. Machi... Whatever, you know what I mean.

I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, "Oh, you know what Bill's doing, he's going for that anti-marketing dollar. That's a good market, he's very smart."

Oh man, I am not doing that. You fucking evil scumbags!

"Ooh, you know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We've done research - huge market. He's doing a good thing."

Godammit, I'm not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet!

"Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill's very bright to do that."

God, I'm just caught in a fucking web.

"Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market - look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar..."

How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don't you?

"What didya do today honey?"

"Oh, we made ah, we made ah arsenic a childhood food now, goodnight." [snores] "Yeah we just said you know is your baby really too loud? You know?" [snores] "Yeah, you know the mums will love it." [snores]

Sleep like fucking children, don't ya, this is your world isn't it?
 
Kudos to SLA for bringing in the Bill Hicks.

safestyle UK adverts - doesn't matter who is in them, why do they have to shout so much?

Used to like the Honda adverts though.
 
Templeton Peck said:
What sickens me more is the wealthy actors and comedians who do these ads. People like David Mitchell do all sorts of ads and then think people should take their opinions voiced on Question Time seriously.
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Paul Merton and Stephen Fry doing the painfully unfunny Direct Line adverts. Shame on them.
 
And John Lydon advertising butter surely the polar opposite of everything hes preached for the last 30 odd years !!
 
Penk Wolf said:
Is that who it is. I wonder everytime it's on. Assuming you're on about Swiftcover.
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That's them. I know on Raw Power he never promised me personally he would never ever sell out and become a corporate stooge, but it still feels like a betrayal.
 
Ricky Tomlinson, professional Scouser that he is, has popped up in a dreadful FarmFoods advert. The only FarmFoods I know is in Heath Town and I'd rather starve than go there.
 
Is that Farmfoods that Jason Donovan advertises or is it Iceland ?
Could be confused as the advert has made me realise why they make guns that shoot more than one bullet !
 
Deutsch Wolf said:
Paul Merton and Stephen Fry doing the painfully unfunny Direct Line adverts. Shame on them.
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Too right. Off the artistic roll call for ever as the great Mr Hicks once said. It would be a little easier to take if these people kept their heads down and stuck to doing sitcoms or whatever but people like Fry and Lydon are often sticking their oar into public debates. Nick Clegg has more credibility FFS.
 
Brilliant piece from Bill Hicks there, thanks SLA, I really must get some of his stuff on DVD

That 'One Sheet' is a particularly grating ad, especially as he blatently pronounces it as one shit...

Oh Deutsch, theres a Farmfoods over here in merry old West Brom High St, next to the Netto and Heron Frozen foods, thats right the posh end of town!
 
The advert that boils my blood is the Swiftcover one with Iggy Pop - it is just pure unadulterated crap.
 
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