Oh the irony...
Spoiler for what, before I click on it???!
FAO Alan - saw this on Facebook and although it's not exactly side splittingly hilarious, I thought it might help you.
An older version but Alan may find this both enlightening and amusing.
http://hudsoncress.net/hudsoncress.org/html/library/dictionaries/Roger`s Profanisaurus.pdf
shaking hands with the unemployed euph. A wrestling bout between Hand Solo and the pink Darth Vadar; wanking.
That is the best book in the world.
Firmly stashed in my toilet and used in times where only a long lingering time on the throne will do (mainly to let the missus put the 'difficult' child to bed). Many a giggle has been had.